I agree that it's probably better XH is not around, considering the condition he is in now. Just like many of us have been given the advice to pretend H has gone off to war during their MLC, your XH is really out of the picture for now.
As for him not being there for the kids, it is very sad, but probably better that they don't see him in this state. Also, I have read that it is sometimes easier on them when the other parent is out of the picture if their main caretaker provides a stable home for them. They are forced to live in 2 different worlds when they are with the other parent.
I think your XH will resurface when he's come to his senses - whenever that may be.
