Exactly! What can't be done here on a subjective online forum, can be done in real life. You, SP, will have to assess whether you can back off a little and make her take responsibility or not. And, this is not black and white. You have some time here to test her yourself and see what she's made of BEFORE settling on an agreement. Trust me, it wont scar the kids for life or form the final impression. If she proves to be dangerously unreliable then you you document and make your agreement accordingly (which you also will change if she makes some major shift in the future)...this conversation gets so life or death and all or nothing but you've got wiggle room...give her some rope, see what she does with it. In that way, for now, I agree with Rob. If she proves she's really not just pretending to be a callous, insensitive non-mother than you'll take that to the judge (and the bank)...I suspect she is capable and will deliver if she must. It's her achilles heel, her worst fear and optimally, she'll woman up at least a little.
