Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Well, called S12 tonight. He seems sad. Didnt want to talk much. I asked him to put S15 on the phone-he said he didnt want to talk to me. I asked why-he told S12, "because I don't want to talk to him".

This really hurts. W has completely turned my boys against me.

Not sure what to do now. Havent talked with S15 in week and a half, and S12 seems so distant.

W is oblivious.

[Greek]

Well, called S12 tonight. He seems sad. Didnt want to talk much. I asked him to put S15 on the phone-he said he didnt want to talk to me. I asked why-he told S12, "because I don't want to talk to him".

Don't read too much into that. I've had 15 yr. olds and I've taught 15 yr. olds...and I can tell you that hormones and fuzzy thinking will turn them against anyone in a heartbeat. Yeah, she's probably not helping the picture but even if you were living at home in a happy M, S15 would still cop an attitude.

You're a good man, SD. Your sons will look back on these days and recognize your honor. But not until the judgement centers in their brains fully develop - which happens around 25. Ha!

Cheers,
Greek

[Gnosis]

SD, you're letting your mind reading get the better of you again. So let me offer an alternative "mind read" on S12. Maybe he was tired, worried about school report... heck he could be lovesick over some girl in his class. YOU DON'T KNOW. Don't pin everything on her. Everyone has an off day, your S12 is not an exception.

The same applies to your wife. If she's outta sight... then force her outta your mind. I know its not easy. As for her doing something drastic... what worse could she do that she has not already done? Nothing.

So, let's look at the worst that could happen:

1) She sends you nude pictures of her and some OM.
2) She sends you nasty text messages and emails
3) She takes another restraining order out on you
4) She withholds access to the kids from you
5) She goes the nasty divorce route

For (1) and (2) So what? Even if she doubles her efforts of rubbing [censored] in your face... Who cares? The damage has already been done. Nothing new there. Just goes to prove how unworthy she is of you.

For (3) Um... been there done that.

For (4) and (5) that's why you got yourself a hardass men's rights attorney. That's what he's there for... to protect you and look out for your best interests. This is why you have armed yourself and provided your L with all the nastygrams she has sent you.

Use your time constructively. As I told you in the "alt" prepare your GAL activities now, create a schedule for when you get back of what YOU are going to be doing.

It's when you get back that the real DB'ing starts. Right now you're in a holding pattern. Don't waste the time given you.

[MichelleLT]

Teenagers are teenagers. It'll change again, and again, and again. Depending on the day lol. Don't let that get to you.

Just find some fun stuff to keep you occupied. Order some DVDs to watch on your computer, find a new book, go to the gym.

[SoldierDad]

Well, the weekend went by pretty fast, and w/o much of anything in my sitch.

Heard from S12, but nothing from S15 again.

The Vikings winning really helped!!

My mind wandered off and on all weekend. I had some one on one coaching in the alt, and that really helped me open my eyes to alot of things. - Thanks Gnosis.

I am getting to the point of not caring about my W's actions anymore. I still have the occasional pang, or urge to hear from her. But the anxiety and panic that I used to feel, are subsiding.

I'm not sure if this means I am detached, but I sure don't FEEL the same way anymore.

I think I have ACCEPTED, for the most part, what has happened, and am finally coming to terms with what is to come - DIVORCE.

Honestly, I am very, very close to completely being done with my W. What I mean by that is-right now, I don't FEEL that I WANT to be with her anymore. Too much done. Too much said. Too many partners. I just value myself more than that. I may take some heat for that, but that is the gospel.

Right now, I don't see anything that could ever happen that would change those feelings. I just can't imagine anything happening, to sway those emotions back to what they were. Just too much damage done for me to put in the required work.

I know my M has changed. I know my W has changed. I have changed. I just don't think all of it can be put back together, and anything new started-I just don't see it.

Hope everyone has a great week!

SKOL VIKINGS!!!!

[SoldierDad]

Ok,

I am reading No More Mr. Nice Guy. If you are here, and are a man, you NEED to read this book.

Sweet Jesus, I have issues!

Thanks G!

[Gnosis]

Thanks G!

You're welcome bro.

Now work on yourself. You have an abundance of issues to fix.

[Gardener]

SD,

I am reading No More Mr. Nice Guy. If you are here, and are a man, you NEED to read this book.
Sweet Jesus, I have issues!

Amen. Me, too. Tough, raw book to read (how'd that author get inside my head and write about me?)

[MichelleLT]

I've heard that's a good one. Enjoy!

You are slowly getting to a better place.

Be patient with yourself. But I'm glad to see you progressing.

It's okay to not believe things can be fixed with W. She should have to do a TON of work, real actions, to convince you otherwise after the choices she has made.

Have a good week!

It'll keep getting better! Just take it one day at a time.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Hey, SD -- how'd you become such a Vikings fan?

I grew up one, and still recall the sting of FOUR Super Bowl losses. Three of them to (according to Sports Illustrated) to teams voted among the Best 15 of ALL-TIME.

It was great seeing Bud Grant enjoying the game!

Puppy