NC - W vanished ...

[P17]

triggers...P, I couldn't watch ANYONE sharing affection or sexual relations (wait that sounds wrong) on TV or in movies for 6 months without imagining WH and OW. So I get it!

LOL. The sexual relations bit (and you can't really avoid it as it's everywhere on TV and movies) get's me quite a lot. I just really remember it getting to me a lot last night. The reason is below.

This whole 'waves of love' towards W cr*p that I'm in just now is responsible for a lot of how I'm feeling just now. I need to get rid of it asap.

I am 'chomping at the bit' (as we say over here) to contact W about anything. Anything at all. I want to break NC. I almost drove up her street yesterday and the day before as I have a hunch that her an OM have a new car between them - I tried to convince myself that she wouldn't know (as it was 3am and I was on my way home) and then I remembered that that's not really the point - NC is for me and I will know that I broke it!! I want to go to the shop where she works just to see her. I want to look at her Bebo / Facebook page.

All because I have these 'waves of love'. I thought before that they were good. A little bit of love coming back is good as I know how I still feel about her. However as I'm now feeling like a drunk man (metaphorically - it's only 2pm here :)) I am finding my emotions running riot a little bit.

It's fortunate that I now understand my feelings and emotions as only a few months ago those emotions would actually have taken over. I'd have driven up her street. I'd have contacted her about something (D's birthday is a week today so there's an excuse). I'd be pestering her again about rubbish - anything.

Now at least I can reign them in and recognise them for what they are - a passing emotion that needs to be controlled.

So there is a least a silver lining.

However, I want to be rid of these 'waves of love' and get back to the 'waves of indifference' which is what I was having before.

This bring me to what I was going to ask you guys about. However, given the above you can see that this is an indirect way to contact W and may therefore not be a great idea. Before that however a little tiny update.

Did a bit of GALing yesterday. W's friend texted me. She had her driving test on Friday. I put a 'good luck' card through her door on Tuesday (with a kiss on it - it was a habit - whenever I wrote cards I used to put three kisses on them - when I wrote her's I was going to do the same but remembered who it was for after I had put one on - hopefully she doesn't take that the wrong way!!!!!). I texted her on Friday morning saying good luck. She came back to me with a long text saying it had been cancelled (probably the weather) and that she needs to get her money back and asking how I was. I said I was great, a bit sore and tired but great. Maybe it was a bit too much but I did feel great yesterday! So, tiny winy update.

Back to what I want to ask.

I got school pictures of D recently. I was going to email MIL a copy of them and give her details of how to get a copy if she wants to. So that is question number 1 - should I? It would mean that W could get a copy too, although I really don't think she'd bother.

I also wanted to say to MIL in the email about D's mum and how we are not back together and that I still honour and keep my vows. This may sound like 'eh?' but I thought she will have had the rumours through W about me and D's mum. I wanted to make it clear that she is my MIL and I respect her opinion of me and value her role in our family. However, I don't have any real idea on how to express this without soundy needy, cheesy, inappropriate or 'why is he telling me this'. I also don't know if I should even bother, although I think I should.

Basically, what I want to really get through is for MIL to tell W that me and D's mum are not back together again. If we were there we would be NO chance of reconciliation ever. I don't really think there is anyway, but a relationship with D's mum would kill even the remotest of chances.

Advice, opinions, suggestions ...

I will avoid contacting W. I am strong enough to control myself. As I said, a few months ago I wouldn't have been. How far I've come ...