Man, I have only read a few of the previous pages. I am sick to my stomach. Look we are not unique. Your posts have allowed me to look at my own sitch a bit clearer. GNOS is right, so is Cutter- make a plan and draw a line and find your nuts.
Enough is enough- do the 180's for yourself, GAL, and give her your back. Really. That e-mail made me cringe, and I have been the king of pursuit.
When you wrote that, you put some time in it and some heartfelt emotions as well...you cannot detatch when you put yourself through that- unless you're full of shirt when you write it. Which you're not.
I say no texts, no emails, NC. I would love for my W to come clean about the A, yours has and she flips a coin as to whether she'll grace you w/ her presence?! And you wait!!
F her, do your own thing and maybe even try meeting some new women- as practice and for your self esteem. Don't be a dog, but start earning some respect from people whom are genuine.
The 180's you shold focus on, aside from anything that betters you as a person, are the one's that she may see 3rd hand. Neat house, clean car, well dressed, considerate to others, etc, etc.
She deserves nothing from you, especially not some promise to never give up and to wait for her.
I did the same shirt for 4 months. When I finally started to get things right, and they were few and far between, I started to get some results...the biggest help was detatching- she wants pursuit- you've done it, now youre done- that's it.
