My story, what to do next.

[Ready2Change]

She asks me to fix a light and I say that I don't do husband things for you anymore. She goes off that she will just hire somebody to do it then, but she knows how tight with money I am so she thought I would just like to fix it myself. I said that I feel used when she asks me to do these things and she should call a repair man when she needs something fixed, I will understand.

And that is the way it is done!

[digger22]

Question,

I have been very firm with my wife in not doing her chores and telling her I am living in my house and sleeping in my bed. I have been doing this strategy for over a week and honestly it does seem to be pushing her further away. I wonder if keeping this up is just doing the opposite of what I want. I told her she can sleep on the couch if she wants. Any thoughts.

[Lotus]

Human's are not machines. You don't change the spark plugs and they all run fine. Some people respond to the techniques that the people on this board recommend; others react exactly the opposite. In some cases the WAS has second thoughts; in others the WAS says "Good Riddance!". If what they suggest doesn't work for you, why would you continue? Have you read the Divorce Remedy book? Have you tried Michele Wiener Davis' advice? It's not the same as what the people on this board are posting. Or you could call and get a phone counseling session.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I would suggest you give her more time. Are you the type that has normally given up fairly easily on things; might she be testing you, and "waiting you out," to see if you'll back down, like you usually do?

Make sure you are coupling your strong stand with being as pleasant as possible in every other area. Are you being pleasant with her?

What is it she is doing, specifically, that makes you think you are pushing her further away?

Puppy

[digger22]

Thanks Puppy,
she may be testing me. I have to give it more time to see if it is working. I am trying to be very pleasant and understanding. Since I took the firm stand she has accelerated the D process and set her sights on getting it done asap. Before I took firm stand she did ask me things like how our R could work and what I think we need to do to make things right.... Now just talk of figure out stuff to get D done and move on.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

OK, so if you do all of her chores for her, and leave your own house, she won't talk about the divorce and she'll be nice to you.

That's one option.

Puppy

[gucci loafer]

The answer to her behavior is quite simple..

She is interested in someone else. I GUARANTEE it....

Right now, nothing of what you will do will make sense. Not much of what you do will seem to make an impact. The reason for this is that she has the OM on her mind. He is the one in her thoughts and dreams. He is the one that she can't stop thinking about.

This is how women act when there is another man. Textbook. Suddenly they RUSH to get things over with. Suddenly they don't love you. Suddenly they want to move out or want you to move out.

Again. The reason is the OM. Sorry. I know this hurts men's feelings and I know they want to deny it. It is the truth though. Better to face it now. Things start to make more sense when you know the facts. The facts here are that there is someone else she has her sights on. My first guess is someone she works with. I would do some investigation under her radar. You need to get to the bottom of this. NOW.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Digger,

Are you still out of work? What are your prospects there, and what have you done about it since the 1st of the year?

This is HUGE with women, as you know. Getting work again would do your sitch a big help.

Puppy

[digger22]

I have a seasonal job where I work 8 mo. and then am laid off for 4 months when the ground is frozen. I am self employed but it is in the construction industry so things are looking a little uncertain for spring.

[digger22]

I have a feeling that OM is someone she works with. He started working their about 2 mo. before she dropped the bomb. He is married, but they work together closely. Her sister works in same place and says she doesn't see him as a threat, but to me it makes sense. I have absolutely no evidence, just a strong gut feeling. No emails, I don't have access to her tm. I will ask her sister if she can keep an eye on for me.

Another story, couple months before bomb, she says we are too different, I need a girl like X to be with. Initially after bomb, I say that I don't want X I want you. Gradually I let her know that I am interested in X and I do find her attractive. Couple weeks ago me and X take her 2 kids and my 3 kids to indoor playground for a couple hours of fun. Completely innocent, just casual get together to let our kids who are friends with each other play together.

Get home after playground day and S tells W that X and kids were there. Immediately she goes off about how I want to be X's kids dad and X is a slut and I better be protected. I respond calmly that I haven't done anything with X and we just had a nice day letting the kids play together. She says that she needs us to be D or at least everyone should know we are getting a D before I do anything like that.