They are acting like a child. This is part of MLC. Your best bet is to pull up a chair and watch as they wiz down the MLC path. If you contact him it will not do any good. They are on this journey not you. You have to let them complete the journey by themselves or else they will never come out of it.
Now if I can just listen to myself maybe I will have a better day.
Sometimes I think he feels judged because he knows he is malfunctioning. So he wants my support but not my condemnation. Also he wants to isolate. It is difficult.
I guess my point is that if you need to talk you can come here and vent. We will listen and try to help you. Its friday night and the boards are kind of slow. Everyone is out GAL but the point is this place is safe. Talking to your H does no good. Read the detachment link, the resources and try to understand about MLC. It is a very bizarre thing. Until you understand it you will not react the proper way and you will make things worse.
You might not hear from him for a while if you go dark or he may get in a panic and call you a lot. Won't know until you try it. Not picking up phone when they call and returning calls hours later and getting off the phone quick is another version of going dim instead of going dark.
My H and I were doing a little better. He has had some job issues which he always likes to discuss with me. I had asked him to hang out with me and I didn't expect him to come over but somehow when he called to turn me down I found myself having the R talk. I could see myself going there and couldn't seem to stop it!! I knew better yet I have been so mad because I feel used. He wants me to be there to discuss his problems yet, like you, I am the one to blame for his problems.
Here is my concern.....I think he convinces himself at times that I am the cause of his unhappiness but then there are times like tonight when he actually admitted that he has a lot of problems. So he wants me around to talk to at times and moves closer but I have to basically walk on eggshells, make sure I do nothing to upset him, and be happy go lucky even though my life is in the pits or he backs way off. So if I go dark I think he will back way off yet if I come forward he does like your H and takes me for granted and I end up feeling used!!! What is a person to do?!
That is my exact situation. It's why I'm kind of going dim instead of dark. But also I'm stuck here. So I need to do something different and see if it helps. I'm also getting resentful of getting dumped on but not being able to discuss my issues, concerns, or the elephant in the room. This makes me intiate a pointless relationship talk. Sometimes these talks seem to make headway. Other times they cause resentment problems the next day. My counselor does not believe someone who is saying he feels like he may be going crazy is in a position to have any talks, even if he willingly participates or initiates them. I find this confusting, because then what is the point of his own therapy? I'm just trying to get out of the way in the near future and GAL and hope it spins itself out. The whole situation would be laughable if not so sad.
You are going to have to change something. Stop listening so much, or start counseling or journalling your feelings, or all of the above. Otherwise you will bottle it up and scream at him soon. That is one prediction. Then you will feel guilty like you yelled at a depressed person. Then you will ask yourself again whether he is actually depressed or just selfish and mean. Then you will go round and round in your head. Better to just find a place to put the emotions for now to avoid yelling by next week.
OldPilot: About going dark...while I agree this is possible, the other reality is then you have a depressed person pursuing you and it gets weird. They are pursuing yet still resentful and depressed. That's what I've noticed when I pull back at all. Having a depressed person halfheartedly pursuing me and resenting me for it isn't very fun either. I guess I'm supposed to consider that a baby step.
