I definitely believe he has some type of depression. I have read several threads on this and another website on depression and MLC and it describes my H to a T. I thought he was coming out of the depression last month. He was coming around more and was wanting to be physical with me but that all changed this month. I guess that is the up and down of all of this.
I have had several people tell me he sounds like a person with an addiction. I know he has an addictive personality and I believe Xbox could be his addiction. He would play for hours and I know he still does play for hours. He just zones off when he plays. It is his getaway!
He completely takes no responsibility with the house unless I insist and then he does it with an attitude. He just doesn't want to be bothered. I feel like my husbands brain has been altered. He is not acting like the man he used to be. He does nothing he used to love to do and does not hang out with any of his old friends. And the other day I found out he is having some problems at work! Like I said before, it is all so sad!
My emotions just can't take this rollercoaster. He can be better one day when he gets my daughter and worse the next. All the while he never seems to care about me or anything to do with our house or our lives together.
This is not about you it is about him. Detach/NC. The depression is making him act this way and until he gets help you can not help him it will only hurt your R.
Have you read the resources at the top of the page. Read the third one down and then the second one.
I feel so dumb for going into a R talk with him. I know he is in a bad place mentally but I have had it. I stayed pleasant even when he discussed D. I don't deal well with indecision. Either you are in or you are out. This is too much for me.
To OldPilot what did you mean by the resources at the top of the page? Do you mean the books? I am new to this forum!
Is he lashing out at you and blaming you for every last thing? Depressed people do that too. A divorce intiated in the throes of clinical depression is often a regrettable thing. Just listen to him talk about it. He may move out but be too depressed to actually do anything beyond that like file the papers. The indecision will probably go on until he gets treatment or gets over it. Unless he fast forwards to divorce thinking it will "cure" his depression. Sorry to be so blunt.
I'm sorry for your pain. My H turned into a different person overnight too. It is almost unbearably sad. Yet I have somehow borne it for quite a few months now all the while thinking I could not.
You have pegged him. I even told him tonight that I did not think he was in a place to make a decision on D. He sort of agreed with me. I also told him that it was not something you decide on a whim. He agreed but kept saying it can't be better and he doesn't know how to make it better.
When he moved out he hardly took any of his stuff and doesn't even care about it. Even his favorite ties. I know that sounds silly but my H loves to dress nice and has some tailored shirts which he also left.
When he filed for D he did exactly like you said. I found out later that he had hardly even talked to the attorney and had no major facts about what the D would entail.
I also told him tonight that I think he would stay in this situation....him living there and me here and not divorce for as long as I allowed it. He didn't say anything.
I do think there are times when he thinks if he gets a D it might wake him up! He want something to change but doesn't know what it is. I asked him if he thinks he is depressed and he said sometimes I think I am and other times I don't.
It is Crazy!!!
What are you doing in your situation? I feel bad for him and at the same time I am furious since there are days I definitely feel like he is depressed and other days I think he is just being mean. He does have a choice in this and I am sick of being the blame for everything!!
My H is in a depression and still can't decide. I think the depression began seven months ago. He's not in a place to decide. What's wrong with separation? It will lead to the same place eventually if he wants? Can you try to encourage him to separate instead if you can tolerate it? You might be relieved if he gets his own place at this point to act weird in even though it hurts. If he has a break from the conflict of him not participating fully in your family life, maybe he will see his own part in this over time or seek help when he no longer has your relationship to blame for his depression.
