Wow, I feel like I am reading my own sitch. To be honest I try not to question her motives/actions. I don't understand how my W could break everything up either. The best I can come up with is that she is "in love" and is hooked on that "drug". She made comments in MC that people don't change and she thought that the "in love" feeling with me would just come back without any work on her part. She put more effort into the OM than she did our R/M which I now understand because she is so "in love".
It is really had to try and not rationalize it. I am past the point now where I try to think about all the how, what, when, why. I would love to think that my W with snap out of the fog and regret her decision/actions. However, I can't hold onto that hope anymore. While I didn't give my W as long as others on this board, I decided (with some pushing from others) that I needed to move forward if I would have any chance at reconcilation.
It may hit many walk away spouses like a ton of bricks, but do they have so much pride that we would never know? We need to focus on us and moving forward so we are in a better place. I can hope that my W has a change of heart, BUT I am not going to sit idly by waiting for that either. It doesn't do me any good and it sure doesn't do my boys any good either.
I see very similar patterns between my W and the majority of WAS on this thread. Detaching isn't about not loving the person anymore, not wishing it would work out, or being mean. What it is about is knowing that in the worst case scenario you are going to be ok.
M 33 | W 34 | Kids: S4, S3 M: 5/28/05 Bomb: 8/22/09 EA: 8/1/09 | PA 12/26/09 W L: 10/21/09 M L: 11/16/09 | 12/09 to file SA W & Boys Move Out: 3/14/10
that I needed to move forward if I would have any chance at reconcilation.
Detaching isn't about not loving the person anymore, not wishing it would work out, or being mean. What it is about is knowing that in the worst case scenario you are going to be ok.