Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Thanks DDogs. It helps to hear when others understand. Just hearing Rocked's explanation of the anxiety actually got mine back under control. And as only people like us that have been thru this can understand, not replying is not simple--that was VERY VERY hard for me not to at least write a simple "k" back to W acknowleding her and that I got her message.

And no worries on the previous thread jacking...we're all in this together. I owe so many people so many thanks, no way I could ever get upset for someone doing everything they can to get some sound advice.

You know, I don't know if I'll want to get on a rollercoaster again, that word has such new meaning for me, I don't like them any more. I mean about 10 days ago I thought she was coming back and was falling asleep on my chest at night...10 days later, she acts as if I don't exist and don't matter one bit. Amazing pull back and not so fun ride.

[rockedworld]

Hey GW,

Hope your evening is going well.

Great step on not replying! I SOOOO understand how hard that is! I would have to put my phone somewhere I couldn't see it and have it shut off to avoid the temptation to either reply or initiate. So, good job!

I am so glad you are feeling less anxiety. I don't know what it is about having people to communicate with who "just get it" but it helps so much. I will be eternally grateful to the people here who helped me through my darkest moments. I truly do not know what I would have done with them.

So, do tell... did you get some handsome new clothes?

[gutwrenching]

Hi Rocked -
Well, I only got two new long sleeve shirts. Pants I decided not to buy cause I want to put on another 10 pounds and if I buy something that fits now, I hope it won't in a few weeks. I really didn't like much of what I saw and only had time for one store. But I bought two things, nothing fancy, but colors a bit different for me. I don't have anything in those colors, so that will at least be noticeable and they are comfortable and I like them. I like the fact they are different. Different is good, since I have to learn to act different, every little bit helps including the clothes, right!?!?!

The cologne will be the biggest change, haven't worn cologne, not even occasionally since our first few years of M...not sure how I should answer the inevitable question of why are you wearing cologne?!?!?! Thoughts?

Tonight, I think I am going to rent a movie she would never watch...some on the edge of your seat suspense/thriller...she hates those. Besides need to save the light comedies for us...that is if we continue the trend of the last couple weeks of actually watching a movie together...who knows how far this pull back might be.

Thanks for asking and thanks for keeping in touch on a night where it is kind of lonely for me.

[gutwrenching]

oh and I did get a haircut today just for good measure. She wont notice that...I get one about every 2 weeks...she used to notice everytime...hasn't noticed once in the last few months, but I got one anyway, it was about time and timing seemed right with everything else

[Deep]

Maybe you could dye your hair purple or something ...

Have to say I don't 100% agree with Coach's last post in this instance. Yes, you should take opportunities to re-establish emotional connection with the W. But right now is not the best time to do it this way. She is in WAW mode with OM, you'll just come across weak. Keep her guessing and be mysterious, create the image of being desired by other people out there socially. Just my personal opinion ... but for a WAW, if you pique her curiosity, that curiosity might well be killed off pretty fast if you get her thinking "Ah he had a great day doing the usual boring stuff that reflects the routine and things wrong in the M I am walking away from. Looks like I made a good decision".

She doesn't want to be involved in your life right now. That's why she's walking. Trying to inject details of that life into conversations now will sound like pursuit pretty fast. She doesn't really want to know the details of your great day - she just wants to know how it can be possible you are having anything other than a crappy one pining away for her. It's enough for her to know now that you are doing great with or without her. Filling in those blanks breaks the mystique needlessly.

Further down the road where she shows indecision, regret, even remorse, the ball game will change. But that's just me, I could be 100% wrong .

[gutwrenching]

Now I'm pissed, going to take a lot of strength not to show it. I am at the movie store with the girls when she calls, I give the phone to them right away because that is the routine...she talks to them first, they are the ones she wants to talk to. After talking to them, it was ok, we're at the restauarant now. I ask if she is going to call back later or no. She says I don't know yet...which means no. Then she asks why is there something we need to talk about. I just said no.
We talked for literally 30 seconds at the most. The conversation consisted of where are you at, oh the movie store, that's what I figured we just got back and are on our way to a restaurant, then the girls talk to them and then its goodbye.
For petes sake, we still share a house, the kids, work together, I've been there like no other during this ordeal and I can't even get 1 freakin minute on a phone call.
Gosh darn I'm steaming mad. So no mystery today, she said she would at least email me to let me know if she was going to call or not. It was all I could to stop from saying don't bother, I don't give a [censored]. But I just said ok.

So when she emails what do I say? Do I even bother for instance to tell her that her dog is limping so badly again I might need to take him to the vet!?!?

[courageous wife]

GW-it is very frustrating isn't it? I am still questioning all the wise ones on here so not sure my opinion is more than just that but it seems that our with any WAS, one day they act "normal" and the next day "alien". Just try to stay strong!

As for the dog, it is an innocent victim in all of this too! Pets can be like kids so could be a valid concern to bring up. On the other hand, if it is HER dog, I think she should be the one to take it to the vet! Just my opinions!!

[12bar]

GW

That is a big step( not replying) did the same thing last weekend when me and W were apart and it made me feel strong. You are doing well, enjoy the time you have to focus on you!

[gutwrenching]

It is our dog, but she is closer to the dog than I am. I am really looking for some advice on if I continue to do the "as if" routine or if let it be known that a 5 minute conversation just to catch up on things would be appreciated and be respectful
She can't take the dog to the vet because she is out of town, if the dog has to go, I'll be taking it

[gutwrenching]

Junco - what do you think about the indifference and not even wanting/willing to talk for a few minutes?