Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Rocked - hi, thanks, and great to hear from you - it amazes me how much we think/feel alike. It is nice to hear from you each day.

You nailed it on missing the friendship. Even when the W dropped the bomb, she told me we had always been great friends, best friends, but not more and that was the problem. So I miss that best friend, she probably not so much since I think she still has OM to talk to. I struggle with that. I found it nice that I could e-mail back and forth with W for about 15 minutes last night about just mundane stuff, probably why I was able to go to sleep so easily. Good advice - accept reality that it is going to hurt.

I also found myself engaged in a conversation with a mutual friend today for about 45 minutes...I would NEVER have just talked that long to someone at work, my time is too valuable, but I was craving the adult interaction about nothing relevant. Then the topic of facebook came up and something about well you saw what your W said. I took a new step, I didn't cover for her. I said no I didn't, I got a funny look, and then I said I don't have access. Other person's jaw hit the floor and says "your W hasn't friended you, why" and I said ask W, that is her private world, don't ask me.

Reflecting on this, I don't know if I did the right thing, but I guess it felt good to not cover for her decisions she has made. Not sure if I need to go back and do damage control later or not.

Maybe you are right about Fri afternoons or at least this Fri afternoon. Even in the past couple of months, I looked forward to weekends because we spent more time together. During the week, she hides in work, but not on the weekends. And over the past couple of weeks, it was even to the point of where we would watch movies together on Fri and Sat night. And this weekend, I know I have none of that on Fri/Sat and reaslistically not on Sun. She gets back late and who the heck knows what the mood will be eminating from the Alien that had so much easy access to OM. And now that I type it, i wonder if that isn't part of the anxiety also...wondering if she is going to be cold (that would be my bet), friendly, bitchy, or just in a fog when she gets back and since the kids will be asleep, she won't be able to just hide her emotions with them (which is a technique I've seen her use a couple of times). And yes, taking deep breaths from the gut seems to work as well as anything when I start to get the pounding in the chest.