Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Have been doing so well today with the anxiety (lack thereof), really i've been able to turn it off as soon as it starts to come along. Now the last couple of hours, not as much. No idea why. Looking forward to a weekend...as long as patterns continue, there has been almost no anxiety on the weekends.

I've been setting myself up all day to hopefully leave a little early today and stop at a store and buy some new clothes for me. Part to focus on me and part to do a 180. Whatever I get, I plan on wearing with my new cologne when she returns Sunday night.

I have received zero communication from W other than one work related e-mail. Co-worker told me today that he spoke to her for quite a while, he talked to W about her not sleeping enough (co-worker doesn't know this but W shared with me she has been only sleeping a few hours a night since May...that can't be healthy and is so unlike her) and the co-worker then tried to make a joke about how tired I looked like I was up partying all night. She said no, he slept 7 hours last night. So she was paying attention if nothing else. Yesterday she had texted me a couple of times in the day, today nothing. I am finally realizing this means nothing, not to look for meaning in it, not to care.

I am still like all others that I miss talking to her, even if only a text message. That one is so hard to get past. So hard to deal with the alien being/fog that has taken over the WAS and the impact of the EA where I am now almost meaningless.

Got to start thinking of reasons why today was another great day...I know she will ask me how was my day. I need to say great when she does and immediately fill in the blanks. Got to come up with something. Today has been fine but nothing special in reality.