here we go again

[Jstar]

I'm just hanging out.

extra day off next week, so 3 day weekend. Have registered d2 for a soccer class over next 6 weeks. she's doing well, once a month she is going to do ceramics at school, she's loving all the stuff she's getting exposed to. She GALS more then me....

Other d18 finally got her driver's license.

I'm getting worried with all my work stuff I have to hand over to a substitute teacher and have someone else probably give them the important state testing....conferences before I go. so just really busy.

thank you for asking.


just at a major loss with h. i told him that if he would have listened to what the counselor had told him in november we probably would ahve been on the road to a better marriage and he'd be part of his sons birth, etc. etc. he knows its true, but one msg he sent really sucked. he said he will help me when i help him.

oh okay, so paying your truck payment for 3 months, getting you a coaching job at my school was not helping. i have to give something to him in order to get something back, he's very conditional.

the whole time we were together i thought well maybe it's because both my parents died and grandfather and uncle, loosing the baby that what i needed him to be/do was just totally uncalled for. but the things i wanted him to do/be were just being a supportive husband not out with his friends drinking, running around for 12 hrs a day without checking in, all his money he gave his parents and messed up priorities.

granted way i handled things were not for the best and my anger got the best of me, but for a while i felt like it was all my fault and doing.

[bluerain]

What does you helping him mean to him? What does he want you to do, I mean, you could turn into a completely different person, but if you dont make the changes that are important to him, it doesnt really matter. Im not defending him here, I think that you have made some good progress, but it would be interesting to find out what he thinks he needs from you.

And Im not sure that the things that hes saying arent just lines that hes spewing to try to turn this around and place the blame on you.

[Jstar]

I really don't know about what he wants me to help with, maybe i'm some what dumb in that area by not asking, then i'm like i seem to ask for help specifically what i need why is it that he does not do that, i mean i modeled it for him and everything.

nah i don't think your defending him your trying to give me his perspective. my response to him was you have your friends and family and you have never taken the help i have given to you.


when he breaks down he doesn't call me for help let alone to let me he broke down, just shows up 12 hours later and wonders why i'm so upset.

or doesn't understand how i can think he 's lieing about it and really cheating?
i'm sure he is trying to blame me, and i'm probably doing the same thing.

i just feel that he was told in november what to do by the counselor, he couldn't do it,. he asked so when we going, i just sent him a msg with me laughing. he asked why it was so funny, i said why should i go? why should i be setting up the appointment, i'm the one who always tries to put the r back together and work on. i was trying the suggest michelle made of the relationship caretaker not doing that, let the other person do it.

Oh i don't know anymore. I just know that he's gonna miss the birth, doesn't see his kid, thinks it's a revolving door. says he will never file will dodge service. but i have a plan for that as well.

[TrentC]

Oh i don't know anymore. I just know that he's gonna miss the birth, doesn't see his kid, thinks it's a revolving door. says he will never file will dodge service. but i have a plan for that as well.

I am not a lawyer, but here's some interesting advice about dodging process servers (NOTE: some jurisdictions may have different standards):

http://www.sheltonlegal.net/html/ask_a_lawyer__should_i_dodge_s.html

The short form? Courts are used to wiseguys who think that if they just dodge the process server, they can never be sued.

If you can show that you've made good faith efforts to have them served and they do not respond, dodge the server, etc. then you can apply for "alternative service" which does not require them to actually be served in the traditional manner. They can tape it to his front door, send it via registered mail, or even just publish the service in the local newspaper.

I wouldn't tell him any of this, of course...

[Jstar]

he's been dodging service of being sued by creditors that have sent process servers out. he has even go so far to hide his truck to not have it repoed.

i would get him service, just call him to the hospital for the birth, not really would be giving birth, but when he did show have him served.

i haven't gotten that far yet. i don't think i will have it together by the birth with having to do what i need to at work.

i can wait till after the birth and say he can come over to see the baby and have him served them.

or i can have a friend pose as someone interested in having him do work for him and serve him that way.

[Jstar]

today has been rough. started last night with some health issues again that continue till this morning.

all i could think was, h has no care in the world for how i am doing, if baby is okay nothing. it hurts really bad. i go through so much so i can have a healthy baby born, each day, taking this medication, injecting myself, bleeding, working, exhausted, taking care of d2, paying all the bills, grocery shopping, laundry, and the list goes on and on. i'm pissed about it and i am hurt in so many deep ways.

i'm a horrible judge of character and never would have believed he would care so less.

[bluerain]

Jstar, dont beat yourself up, we were almost all blindsided when we found out that our spouses could be such terrible men.

Rest as much as you can over this weekend, and stop contacting him, if he doesnt understand that hes stressing you out too much then you just need to turn it off. Do you have an old cell phone thats not on a plan? You can still use it to call 911, and he cant harrass you on it.

Sending you a virtual footrub and glass of wine. (virtual wine is ok! ).

[Jstar]

thank you for the virtual pampering. all are things i defintely need or would love to have.

oh yeah i'm my worst critic, judge and jury. it's like i've should have known better, i was free from him a year and half ago and i stupidly let him back in.

i think back to seeing these oprah shows of women being taken by the same man, filandering, money u name it, and he even made them test positive for hiv. a death sentence.

my life and kids life is not as bad as that, we will recover and flurish, be tough alot but in time it will get better anyways humans can live without sleep or very little till my little ones get older.

[TrentC]

he's been dodging service of being sued by creditors that have sent process servers out. he has even go so far to hide his truck to not have it repoed.

All examples of how pathetic he is. You and your kids deserve someone better than that.

His life is defined by rebelling against authority and breaking the rules. I'm sure you were a way for him to rebel against his parents, given their obvious dislike for you. But when you became the dominant authority figure in his life, you became someone to rebel against as well.

He's creating a legal mess for himself that you don't deserve to get dragged into any longer. At some point, all of these creditors and process servers will catch up with him.

[Jstar]

as long as we are legally married im going to be on the hook for anything he has done since we've been married. his track record is horrible.

i guess i'm going to start the paperwork to file for divorce. there is not going to be a change ever with the situation, hurts deeply but i don't think there is anything i can legitamately do.