K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[K4D]

She texted me back saying her dad wants to do tacos and home made enchiladas. I texted back saying D8 wants Joe's crabshack and is looking forward to crab legs tonight. W texts back saying we can take her Saturday night.

I haven't responded. I don't want to take her Saturday night. D8 wants it tonight and that is what we planned. That means I have to spend all afternoon and evening with W on Saturday just to accomadate her dad. Why didn't he get tacos last night? Why not today at lunch? Why not tomorrow before he flies out? Why tonight on D8's birthday?

Ugg. I'm irritated.

Kevin

[25yearsmlc]

Soon.

I am not even kidding. I need to meet you so I can free myself from the WTF? that resides in my brain when you speak.

What I see here cannot be the real you, can it?

I never feel any fun from you. Are you fun? Do you ever HAVE FUN?

I do have fun. I go out and have fun with other people. I have fun with my kids. Granted I spend a lot of time worrying about what is going to happen in my sitch and when and what the outcome might be, and where I might end up at that point. Don't a lot of people in our sitches?

You are addicted to your pain. It's masochistic. You need to find value in yourself WITHOUT her. When you do, she might start respecting you.

I am addicted to my pain? No, I am not addicted to pain. I don't find pleasure in hurting. I have plenty of value in myself. I need to get back to the dance scene. Haven't been there for a while. I also like to take day trips. I have not done that in forever. I need to plan some again. Get out of town for the day and go somewhere fun.

Kevin

I know you go out, but I don't think you are putting yourself OUT there. What is the most fun you have had in the last two weeks?

Yes, you do spend a lot of time worrying about your sitch, and no, most of us do not spend that much time worrying about our sitch. I am 2 months into this, and while I would prefer to stay married, I'm okay if I don't. I love myself. No way in hell I'm going to pine away after some dude who left. Next! LOL

She left. You can't control the sitch or the outcome. Life is short. If you died today, you would have wasted the last year.

You need to let your ex-wife go.

AMEN! Very FEW people pine and spin their wheels in one place for this long...very few repeat themselves and cycle through the way you do, for this long. As for the theology search, you're making ME nuts. It's BS. I've been Catholic for most of my life, though I searched some other religions as well. But to me, it's All diversionary crap and a desparate attempt at being able to HAVE SOMEONE in your life b/c you cannot be happy alone. That's just so sad.

And no you are not working on yourself. It's superficial fillers that you do. And I now believe you have no idea what I mean when I say "do the inner work"...and I don't think you understand what CG means either...after all this time that is why supergirl wants to meet you irl. The same WTH? thoughts have crossed my mind 100 times. IF it weren't for faithful saying you seem fine, I'd just think you were faking here. OR that you are some sort of weirdo who likes being stuck and miserable and sharing that with us, blow by self inflicted blow. I can't stand the crazy talk about the validity of your m. It's as if I'm arguing law with a pre-law student who can't see the forest for the trees.
j-

PS Glad you realize your prior comments about people dating others who were married before, are NOT Loving or Christ like. Ever read any of the books people here recommended?

[Drew]

Wow, God has just given you a golden opportunity to establish a healthy boundary. Don't screw it up Kevin!!! Do what CG said!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I haven't responded. I don't want to take her Saturday night. D8 wants it tonight and that is what we planned. That means I have to spend all afternoon and evening with W on Saturday just to accomadate her dad. Why didn't he get tacos last night? Why not today at lunch? Why not tomorrow before he flies out? Why tonight on D8's birthday?

Ugg. I'm irritated.

I'm only here cause one of my good friends has been spinning his wheels with you.

25 years hits the nail on the head with the above, and makes me wonder if their isn't a bit of a masochistic streak in you.

The quote above sounds like a whimp.
Truley, a petulant child.

You are a parent, a dad and a man.

Man up.

Do what YOU said you were going to do with your daughter, not what some old coot who has ZERO respect for you wants...and you know what.

You want HIS respect? Stand up to him, stop bending over for him. He might not like you, but he will sure as sure start respecting you.

[smith18]

Tell Grandpa that Joe's Crab Shack has Crab Nachos. He can take it or leave it.

[25yearsmlc]

Ok,

So what are yall saying, drop the girls off and hit the clubs tonight? Bail on them all together and take D8 somewhere else? Bring a date and really throw my girls into confusion?

How are yall saying to handle tonight?

Kevin

I swear you must do this on purpose. WTH Kind of answer is this?

The old "REDUCE IT SO MUCH SO I CAN OVERSIMPLIFY AND EXTREMIZE OTHER'S VIEWS -- AND THEN PRETEND I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN --AND I CAN BE SNOTTY & SELF RIGHTEOUS ALL AT THE SAME TIME!....crap.

Yeah K, we're ALL saying dump the b#$%^ and have sex with OWs...sure, that's it. Either be a doormat or a slut....those are your ONLY OPTIONS...
Forget that question I asked you about a possible other course of action?
I'm with Jack3...you think your plan of "repairing the r's with" her family, (meaning, I guess, they tolerate you in the same room on YOUR days with the girls and once in awhile on hers), is working so well, and they MUST want you two to reconcile, then by all means, keep at it. Don't change a thing!! Surely don't change YOU! You're perfect for your stbx w just as you are and EVERYONE in her family is seeing it all now so clearly. She was a fool to leave you. You're so different now, (or you were always fine?) that you two have lots in common now and your problem and conflict resolution skills are vastly improved as are your decision making talents....everything is great now. Good luck, Happy Graduation Day!

j-

[smith18]

Y'all that are spending so much time flogging Kevin (crab shack has me feeling salty)... maybe it is time to step back and let things be. J3B has a story where he tried to save someone's life once in a raging sea, but that person just did not take the extra effort when given the assistance. Some people you just cant save. I am reminded of another man named Phil who was lost...

[Startingover2]

so what did you tell your W about tonight? Did you keep your plans or change them?

[K4D]

Here is what happened. W called me after I left work. I told her that I will ask D8 what she wants to do because it is her birthday and she has been looking forward to crab legs all week. W got pissed. She said DO NOT INFLUENCE her decision. I said W, I have no intention of influencing her decision. I said I will lay out the scenerios for D8 and if she wants to go to the restaurant, that is where we are going. I said if she wants to hang with the family at the house, that is what we will do. I said but I will do what she wants since it is her birthday. W was mad and said to let her know. I said will do. We got off the phone.

So I picked up D8 and proceeded to explain the situation to her. I said it is your birthday and we will do what you want to do. She said she doesn't want tacos and enchiladas. I said so do you want to go to Joe's crabshack then. She said yes. I said that is what we will do. She then said but that means that the rest of the family won't show up? I said that is what it sounds like. She said then she would rather be with the family tonight than to have crablegs without everyone. I said are you sure. She said yes. I said ok. We will take you tomorrow night and we will go be with the family tonight.

I called W back and said that D8 decided although disapointed that she wants to spend the evening with the family. W said she understands and that her dad probably doesn't feel like sitting at a restaurant, blah blah blah.

Amazing how nice she was once she was told D8 will give up her crab legs to be with the family tonight and see W's dad.

So yes, a boundary was set. That boundary was as long as it is D8's birthday and it is on my time, I will let D8 decide what she wants regardless of what W wants. By the way, I failed to mention I did this last week to and W got pissy about it, but I didn't budge.

So I guess we will head over to W's sister's house and do tacos and enchiladas with her dad and family. But W knows that I was not going to do what she wanted regardless of what kind of fit she threw.

It is pretty crappy that they changed like this on D8. But hey, I let D8 make the call, not them. So I guess we will see how tonight goes.

I will respond to previous posts later. I have to get ready to go.

Kevin

[antlers]

Amazing how nice she was once she was told D8 will give up her crab legs to be with the family tonight and see W's dad.

She's nice when she gets her way.
She's pissy when she doesn't get her way.