Well I thought H and I were going along real well then about a month or so ago I felt a shift in the wrong direction. He seemed to become distant and didn't have much interest in sex. I know he hasn't been happy in years M to me, but we really were recovering. I know I'm not the "woman of his dreams" anymore. I accept that. I have changed, we get along much much better than we did before bomb. Sometimes I think he thinks I'm not his type anymore, one example is he likes to hike, I started going with him last Summer but I can't keep up with him. he is also unhappy in his job, I know that isn't my fault but we all know that they tend to blame us for everything negative in their lives.
He's also not in love with me, that's a hard pill to swallow but I have only myself to blame for that. At least he doesn't tell me he loves me, his actions are quite different though.
I feel like right now that we are 2 lonely people in an unhappy marriage. Oh I'm happy and glad he is still here, but I can't help feeling he's just here because it's easier than the alternative.
I don't excite him. I'm old and I think he wants someone younger. But he also has a fear of being alone. I realize all of this and although it isn't ideal, I've tried to make our lives happier together. I feel like he is 'settling' and I'm settling too for a situation that isn't ideal but in my mind I still have him and I'll take it because he has my heart. Oh how much easier this would be if he didn't have my heart.
