Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Lost - love the fact you share your experiences, makes me see how I could tweak to apply to me.

can you get a sitter for the kids one night at the weekend just so you can pop out for a while on your own?

Although this sounds good, I think not doing this is a 180. I think the W would expect me to either find a sitter or plop the kids in front of a movie. That was the old me. The new me - I got events planned for the weekend. The kids will love it. Makes the W very jealous which is not the intent, but that is her issue, not mine.

Can you get some sorta cleaner/housekeeper type person in to give you a bit of time back to spend time with the kids and regain your saniety. Obviously this may benefit W as well but I do think you need a break.

This one has me thinking. We have a cleaner that comes once a week for the major stuff. But I am the anal one about keeping things picked up and tidy. I almost wonder if I let stuff just go to hell, toys all over the place, dishes stacked up, etc...if that wouldn't have a bigger impact. But man, that might drive me nuts!

My 180's were not to panic, to keep calm, to not faff about but get on with it.. and lots of other little things, I made me a priority

I need to make those my 180s. Panic I got to work on, better today than yesterday I can report. Calm - I do fine at calm except when I uncover/highly suspect contact with OM- I have to work on that, not sure how, but got to get over that.

remind me to remain "calm and mysterious"

Any good examples of remaining mysterious, especially on Saturday (she'll be flying most day Sunday and returns Sunday night)

the first time H came back I made myself irresistable (well to him)

Did he initiate this dinner, coming back, or was it something you suggested? I ask because before the suicide, we had talked in generalities of going to a specific movie w/o the kids that all our friends were recommending. I am wondering if I suggest it again or if that is too much pursuing.