Feeling a bit guilty today because I am in a funk, and feel like I should just be so grateful my sitch really is going well considering where we were a few months ago! Don't have much to offer posting on anyone else's threads today, and feeling guilt twinges about that too.
But... in reflecting on what the funk is about, it does make sense. H and I had a conversation last night about his anxiety about if OW ever does decide to make waves for him at work, she could do a lot of damage. It's true, she could. I have tried not to think about that too much. As I posted in my original thread, H has a high profile job, is very well known, and if it gets out things will be very difficult for awhile, not to mention the possibility of losing his job. We have tried to focus on piecing and healing and our family, and not thinking/talking too much about it. But, yesterday at work a couple of co-workers were acting a bit odd, and they are the ones H knows OW has continued to FB friends with, so it concerns him. I think I explained that OW has a FT job somewhere else, but was doing some PT work at my H's company, which is how the A got started. After H broke off the R with OW, she abruptly quit and did make a bit of scene about it, stating she had issues in her personal life. She is a drama queen and loves attention. We have worried she will want to present herself as a victim.
I tried to encourage H not to dwell on it, as it is all speculation. He agreed but also said he needs to face the possibility in case it does happen so it doesn't blind side him. Talking about all this really heightened his regret and remorse and he got really down last night. Same thing today so far. Having a hard time not being affected by it.
Also, I had coffee with S18 last night, which was great. But, he is also struggling with some things in his life that are weighing on me a bit today. Being 18 is a tough time in life, and having "family drama" going on (as he put it) at the same time has caused some resentment for him. For 17 years all he knew was a happy, stable family life and parents who were loving to each other. This was not only a blind side for me, but hugely for the kids as well. So, again H feels so much regret, remorse and guilt for that. He is meeting S18 for coffee today, so they can have a good chat. I am so glad.
I know he needs to feel these things. But, it is hard.
Just having trouble shaking off the sense of foreboding that something bad might happen, and that things won't always feel this heavy and hard. Rationally, I know that things will get better if we continue on the path we are on, but emotionally struggling today. Just had to get that out there...
