Awesome list twink, although the second one is not valid with little kids who need an answer right away. These habits are all things we all can work on as part of changing.
If I may throw one other big one out for Bradley...Dont argue.
When you win an argument with a woman, you still lose in the long run.
btw Virginia. If you met me you'd know that I am not a typical surgeon-- I do not have a big ego, I do not tie my ego to doing this.
I can tell you're a humble man. I respect that. I was just telling a yarn to make a point really. To be fair my fellow was pretty humble too ... and he was H.O.T. ... and all that training in biology and stuff is a very good thing in a lover - (she sighs and shakes her head at all that could have been ... lol )
Quote:
A while back (months ago) I told my wife I'd be happy pumping gas if it meant that I could be with her and the boys... and I meant that. Obviously that is not something that is productive for her to hear, especially when she spent the last 9 years supporting me.
I laughed when I read this ... I absolutely know what you mean ... but can't see that being the optimal outcome for your W!!! Also, saying things like that give your wife a lot of power - it signals to her how vulnerable you are and she can use that to feel even more secure in the poor choices she's making. And it makes you sound like a love-lorn dag.
Remember women want the love and support of men who are strong, determined and committed to their (arguably) "leadership" role in the family.
Last edited by Walking; 01/15/1006:36 AM.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Hi Brad & co, since you’re talking about golf, 2 famous Brit golfers were born and raised up close to where I’ve always lived. The 85 British open and 88 US masters champ Sandy L lived and went to school only 12 miles away from me. And a friend of mine who lives in my village went to the same school at the same time as him. And the 91 US Masters champ Ian W was born and raised only 5 miles away as the crow flies. My brother played against him at soccer when our school team used to play them in the late 60s and early 70s.
Lyle and Woosnam were both great champions. Lyle's shot from the bunker on 18 to win the masters is one of the all time most clutch and greatest shots.
had told wife trhat feb 6to 14th I was off, wasn't sure what I was going to do, thought about visiting some people.
today she said, "I was thinking about that time you mentioned..why don't you take the boys on an adventure to annapolis or the beach or something..."
Ow. I really was partially hoping we could all do something together--though did not mention that. now she's already planning 3 weeks down the road to make sure I'm not planning on coming up there and just hanging for the week... something I wasn't planning on doing anyhow...
I understand that was a "space" issue-- just the concept of me having that free time... and I was not going to push the issue but she clearly has been thinking about it, since it wasn't even a part of the conversation.
they are still apparently coming down today. gonna be great to see the boys.
I can offer advice that is going to be hard for you to follow. This weekend.
Have a good time. Enjoy the moment, and do not let her see you sad. Show her what she is missing, not what she wants to escape.
Feb 6-14th You have no idea what is going on in her head. None. These are the monsters whispering in your ear. You want it all and you want it now...it doesn't work like that.
When you are with your boys? Enjoy them, do not dwell on what she may or may not be doing. You have no control of that, or her.
You worrying or wondering about that is about as useful as worrying if there IS something to the end of the Mayan Calendar or if they just ran out of rock on the wall.
Kill the monsters whispering in your head. Instead of wondering what she is doing, start wondering what you will be doing with your boys.
The irony here, is if she kept them you'd be upset that they would be around OM, she isn't and you're upset that she isn't going to be around.
In LBS land, you take what you can.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
You stopped doing things you liked, enjoyed, were good for you because there simply wasn't enough time in the day with a wife and kids.
Now you have the time.
While you are doing these things...like say... uhhh building a model airplane.
You aren't looking for another relationship. (This is important)
So your not re-using dusty skills and relationship tactics from your past...instead you are working on yourself and sharpening these tools, discarding the ones that don't work, and getting new ones.
You're taking a hard look at yourself and redefining you as you want to be...not trying to redefine yourself by what someone in a relationship wants.
...
Or something like that. : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
People here sometimes reference Disney Dads, in a baaaad way. Like they bought someone else's kids Legos to get in points and stuff.
So ..... not saying be a Disney Dad. Saying be the best, most fun, quality time Dad in the world. Kids smell the difference, even at Disney. Wherever you go, they want you to totally be there - "with them". Not talking about her or OM, or Legos someone else bought. Of course they may mention Legos, at which point you suck it up and make that feeling pass. Then get right on with the business of making your own fun. You aren't competing with anyone but yourself and your kids are rooting on you to win. Do they like sandwiches cut out in the shape of hearts, stars, (think cookie cutters) or smiley faces by hand? Do they like pancakes poured and made to look like Mickey Mouse head with choc chip and whip cream face? Or maybe they like to watch you screw up trying to do things for them you didn't try before, and laugh about it together. Puzzles? Paper masks to wear around the house? Oh yeah, if it isn't electronic it's no fun anymore. If so, what electronic games do you need to learn as the kids kick your rear?
The other thing. Start the mental image now that W will be instantly transported to another galaxie far far away from any meaningful life during this time. While there, her brain may be probed or she may recieve telepathic images of being happy. It isn't real and she's only fooling herself. If that truly is the way she wants to live her life, the kids need to spend as much quality time as possible with you.
)
