Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Well, I took an opportunity to fill in a couple of blanks via e-mail as it tied with a work e-mail about some issues from yesterday that I had to send her (told her I'd do it last night, but didn't get to it until this morning). That "whatever" comments was referring to her statement that I only had a good day because she wasn't there stressing me out. That is not true and not entirely false either. And she makes comments similar to this every once in a while and I don't know how to respond. I can't so oh no, you are the best, I want you here all the time becaue that is pursuing. But I don't think I want to agree with that and imply I'd rather she be in another state. Any advice on those type of situations. It will happen again, some type of almost self-degrading comment...I've seen it a lot in our M over the years.

Today's main objective is get this anxiety under control. Period. It is driving me nuts. Heck, I found myself wishing I could take one of W's prescription pills for anxiety attacks (which have also only started since we got ourselves into this situation, she gets them sometimes before it is time to go to bed). I looked up some anxiety relief techniques on the internet and am trying those. I still can't figure out why this happens at work only, even last night, at the house, assuming she was probably getting me off the phone to talk to OM didn't cause any anxiety (and then later I did that math of the time zones and it wasn't likely that she would talk to him then).

Last night was tough on me from a different perspective. Reality is I am wearing down, shouldering too much of the load of the kids/work/plus all the mental/emotional strain. What is tough is I had convinced myself I could do this all on my own if needed, I could be the single/working dad. With everything that has happened over the last week, I really don't know how either of us could do this on our own over the long run. I don't understand how she could think she could pull this off either. That was discouraging.

E-mailed W back and forth handful of times last night...it was what we had agreed to on the phone. Was actually surprised how much back and forth there was until I cut it off to go to bed.

Had a good nights sleep without aid of sleeping pill.

Still trying to get my arms around what I do with the very limited data/evidence I have of EA continuing. More on my thoughts on that later