Calling out the Piecers

[dday101798]

Thanks Mish!

Havent seen much from your end of the world lately, hope things are going well.

I wish there more success stories around here as such, but hey, some things are meant to be what they are.

[dday101798]

And........ just some journaling I guess.

Had a household version of a G8 meeting last night to discuss the household finances now that everybody is all moved in.

Cousin is charging a fixed rent now, that's fine. A little bit high I think for the accomodation, but I understand where she's coming from.

Then I got talking to about he past weekend. Seems my cousin thought I stayed at W's all this past weekend because her son and GF moved in. Couldn't be farther from the truth I said. I stayed because my kids wanted me to. End of conversation.

All in all it went well. But put my finances on a even bigger strain as now my truck has suspension issues and is getting half it's gas mileage and tearing up my tires. Great. Then S12's b-day is rapidly approaching and W wants to seomthing 'special' as he's entering his teen years. Uggh, I need a winning lottery ticket I swear.

On the R front, W was disturbingly distant yesterday. I called her to see if she knew what the occupancy allowment was on a hall we often used for b-day and stuff during the winter as a possible alternative for my aunt's 90th b-day. W was very quiet and moody. I asked what was wrong, got "nothing". I said I know her better than that and she finally cracked and said she'd have to tell me later. Her general tone said it was something OM related as she said "I'll tell you later, it's stupid, but I'll tell you later".

Anyway, her normal 'ride' to work got laid off, so offered to pick up the slack. She gratefuly accepted and said she'd call back later on, was out getting dinner.

Then the meeting with my cousin and all took place and by the time that wassaid and done I was ready for bed. Still never heard from W, so figured she was sleeping or had something going on. texted her good night and I'd see her in the morning.

Woke up this morning to 2 texts from W, one apologising for as figured, falling a sleep and the next to call her in the morning. So I did. She had a pretty nasty attitude, wanting to know why I didn't call her last night. I said 'you said you'd call me', she said "no, I wanted you to call me". Meh, whatever hon, it was a misunderstanding, not the end of the world.

She seemed a little better when I got there, but still distant. The boys were giving her a hard time and apparently I've gotten her hooked on needing to have coffee in the morning again so that could explain her grumpiness.

Anywho, took her to work and all is well. But can't hear from her as her phone has been apparently shut off too.

We're going to go out to, hopefully, or make dinner tonight and I'm staying over again. Kids are excited.

One other note, her friend that took some nice pictures of us last Friday still hasn't sent them to me, but we became FB 'friends'. So I glanced through her pictures as she did mine an dmade some comments. Of course there are pictures of her and W having fun and W looking all calm and collected during our period of seperation that kind of stings. Then again, W was always able to bury the fact she was upset or angry about something for the sake of a good picture and so that everybody else could have a good time, so maybe I'm jsut looking into that a bit much.

[dday101798]

Ahhhhhhhh,

Another fantastic night and morning.

Went to dinner with W and kids, we had a great time and ate like kings. It'll probably be one of the fewer times that we'll be eating out anymore as finances are getting tighter by the day.

Then we went back to "W's house" and I did my H duty and fixed her furnace. She is so grateful and appreciative. I guess that would be my "love language", acts of service is it? It was like a shot in the arm to W as a reminder as to what the hell was she possibly thinking with OM who couldn't seperate his lazy arse from the TV for a mere minute to change a light bulb, if that is even in his mechanical ability. W had the biggest smile on her face when she woke up this morning to a house that was actually warm and not having to run down and restart the thing.

Heh, this will be a test of (x)FIL's acceptance as S11 'assisted' me in the job, mainly holding a flashlight and running tools, but none the less, he got to watch, which is all part of the learning process. I must say, knowing how to service your own furnace is a must! Anywho, I know S11 will undoubtedly boast to (x)FIL that he needn't worry about getting around to the furnace, "dad fixed it already".

Unfortunately, the job took a while and by the time I got upstairs, W was out cold. But I'm content enough with just being snuggled up with her, I sleep sooooo much better. I so wanted to just call in to work today and spend all day in bed with her. I couldn't help but tell her how much I can't wait for those days again, ship the kids off to school and play hookie with eachother and enjoy an empty house to ourselves, which can get quite, well non PG-13

I showed her a couple of fixer-upper houses I had printed out and she is excited. Our entire relationship was founded on resotring the place she had when I met her. We work very well together.

It's going to great ride. Road ahead is looking much smoother.

[ridnic]

Well here is a quote I recieved today from my X. Dont know if many have heard this or what they think about it...

“you can never start over but you can always start from here”

Glad things are going great for you. Keep up the good work.

[dday101798]

“you can never start over but you can always start from here”

huh, to me it kind of reads as on oxymoron. We're kind of starting over, but from here. Can't forget the past, but can't dwell on it either. Reminds of a quote I heard and wrote down somewhere: "our scars remind of us of where we've been, but do not dictate where we're going".

[dday101798]

Uggh, every little bit of 'work' just about went right out the window this morning. It's still not done in my mindset, but 'patched up' for now so we'll play nice for now.

Starts off with last night I was rather busy making dinner, a new cajun dish I was trying, turned out awesome. Anyway, W called jsut as I was ready to throw the chicken on the grill and let her know I didn't have much time. She had a distant attitude about her again, but was fine when I said I'd call her back later.

And I did, and got S12. After talking with S12 a bit, I continually asked him where W was and if I could speak with her, each time he said she's laying down in bed and just minute and wondered off into another conversation and eventually put me to sleep.

So this morning I wake up to a text blasting me for not calling her again like I said I would. After taking my shower I get another text saying 'morning' and I called her. Right away she had a distant attitude again. I explained I did call and she says she's sorry, she found out after she sent the message. So I asked, what's still wrong then? Long story short, she was mad becasue she fell asleep again and had 3 different sets of plans she could have done last night, but "wasted the night away again".

The first 'plan' was the one that struck a chord, hanging out with OM's sister. So of course I coiled up a bit and W detected it and asked what was wrong. And I told her, as I did a month ago, even a year ago, I am simply not comfortable with any contact with any member of that family. This sent W on a rampage saying it was completely ridiculous I feel that way, they have been best friends forever and so on. And I said that is all well and good, but I told you month ago I am not happy with any member of that family, especially her, OUR MAID OF HONOR who did absolutely nothing to distrupt an A that destroyed our entire family and our lives forever with HER OWN BROTHER and my W.

She got pretty nasty about it, and I stayed calm and collected. But she demonstrated to me this morning that she still does not grasp the concept of how bad all of this really is. She still does not fully own up to what she's done and still has an undertone to her that says, "hey, my M wasn't working, so I ran off with womone else, it's ok".

Then to add insult to injury, W dove into what was supposed to DONE marital issues in saying that she can't make solid plans with her friends because everything with me is always so up in the air, like it always was and she's tired o fbeing "up my a$$" to have time for her friends and it's not fair to them.

My stomache just sank. I told her I am just simply not going to go about living life with being un-nerved and insecure. These are issues that we need to go to MC NOW in order for this to work. Some how I was being "mean" to her when I said her hap-hazzard way of saying that she's hanging out with OM's sister wiehter I like it or not is to me disrespectful. For crying out loud they had sex at her house

Anyway, I told her I ahd to go as I felt my blood pressure get out of hand and began shaking and didn't want to say anything destructive and I'd see her soon when I pick her up for work.

Within minutes she starts texing her apologies.

When I got there, she said she was sorry and understands where I'm coming from. But the next sentence later, I "have nothing to worry about" and W hangs out with OM's sister all the time and it's never been an issue. My only reply is the plain truth: "there is no issue for you (W), you see nothing wrong with it and you know wiether he is there or not, I don't. I am the one whe sits there every night wiehter I jsut left from here or went straight 'home' and have to wonder if OM is around or not. You have given me nothing to show me otherwise. And now it is to be construed that I am still a "inconvenience" to your social life? I'm sorry these are major issues".

All she could do was offer her apologies and state over and over that I have nothing to worry about, that she understands why I feel that way and that I am the only one she loves. Not good enough. Actions speak louder than words. I'm not seeing any actions. Her defiance to acknowledge seeing anything wrong and disrespecting my feelings on a situation she created on her own that cost myself, her and our kids a normal life FOREVER is unacceptable.

Words of encouragement welcome.

Hell even a blow to the head of a few 2x4's that I'm certain have ben waiting for this moment.

[Gnosis]

Um..,

Uggh, every little bit of 'work' just about went right out the window this morning.

Because YOU are doing the work and she is:

1) Having fun
2) Getting high
3) Living her life
4) Pulling your chain

Because YOU have NOT let her live through the consequences of what she has done. The minute the OM left the picture Dylan came rushing in like the lovestruck puppy to "make everything right." He barked, jumped, rolled over and begged. I think it's time you played "dead"

P.S. For what it's worth, I'm really sorry Dylan.

[dday101798]

SMACK!

2x4 #1 delivered.


Thanks G.

[Gnosis]

SMACK!

2x4 #1 delivered.

Thanks G.

It pained me to read your thread and to wait for the axe to drop.

I hope you believe me when I tell you, "It gave me NO PLEASURE writing those words to you.

[dday101798]

Well, the axe hasn't dropped per sae. She feels she's made her apologies and all is well with the world. I on the other hand have reached an impasse with her at the moment and my head won't stop swimming. These are huge issues that came about today and painted an insight to her that as I said, makes me think she still does not see the full impact and severity of what she's done here.

Then I myself question her motives at this moment. Am I being a fool? Am I so blind? Am I just setting myself (and kids) up for another heartache? Or, is she really that niave to the consequence of her A and honestly thinks "sorry" is all that is required as a remedy?