And I know what your saying hope.. and its logical, but its not something I am able to do. I am very conscious of what am I doing, but it also doesn't make it any easier.
As much of a jerk as my H is, the boys love him, and would be worse off if I was to up and leave with them, uprooting them from school, their friends and their stability in their own house.
The lawyer I spoke to basically said that I can't make him leave and vice versa. That I can leave but as far as support/money goes the courts would decide and frankly I don't have the means to wait for that.
At this juncture, I don't know if things will ever change between h and I, but I do know it would not be better for my kids if we were to leave. So I am in for the long haul, how ever tough it may be, its worth it for them.
Im not looking for a pat on the shoulder or anything close to that, god knows, All I want is for them to have a healthy childhood and be happy.
My saving grace is that H is not home alot , he works a lot and that helps me keep my sanity.
Don't get me wrong, I think about what is going to happend when they are grown and im here alone with H... God help me.. if I am able to leave then, who is going to want me then...
this is all so hard.
But we are still leaving for Florida tomorrow. The boys are so excited. I just want things to go smoothly. Im praying that everything goes ok while we are gone.
still on the look out for a good IC that my insurance will take.. as soon as I find one hopefully I can get some outside perspective on my life.
I will talk to you guys when I return..
Thanks again.
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
