The Ninja is back

[P17]

I haven't been about for a few days now. I'm catching up and have been thinking about your sitch. I actually think it's worse now, emotionally, than it was before. Thats my take on it - I've not been in your situation as W is still in the depths of her A, however having the W come back (sort of) and still not wanting to reconcile must be pretty hard. Anyway.

P17 - Man you look and sound like a different person than the one I remember back in October/November. Good to see.

Jumpy, that is a great compliment. Thanks!

In terms of the OM, I am not entirely sure.

You need to find that out now before you do anything else. Facebook friends is not an indication of anything. The problem you have is your wife is complacent and therefore has no incentive to actually prove to you about OM. I would strongly think about initiating NC again unless she proves OM is out of the picture. You really have nothing to lose it looks like.

Personally, I don't think she wants a divorce because if she did she could've gotten one. I wasn't going to stand in the way, and I gave her most everything when I left.

Think though. You are saying you don't think she wants a divorce yet she doesn't want to be with you. They both can't be right. Maybe she just can't be bothered to go through the hassle of it, the paperwork or just paying it. Don't lull yourself into thinking that she doesn't WANT a divorce as it will affect your behaviour. Yeah, maybe you are right and she doesn't but don't be blindsided. You just sound like your attaching to her again which I think is the wrong thing to do given her attitude just now.

I think she's scared about the work for reconciliation because she'd have to face up to what she did and accept responsibility for it. She is particularly scared of my friends and family (my friends did not react well) and anyone who knows about what she did.

I would imagine this is a very common reaction and I often think how would I deal with it if the (very remote possibility) W returned. I would guess it's a balance between saying we will 'do this together' while getting her to put on her big girl pants and own her own sh*t.

On the flip side I think to myself do I REALLY want a woman back in my life who can't stand up in a crowded (metaphorical) room of family and friends, put their hand up, shush the crowd and tell them all what she had done and how sincerely sorry she is for it. My answer is no, but that's a theory ... what the reality would be I don't know. But she has to be remorseful or nothing else will go forward.