Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Had a bad night last night. Things started good. I went to my IC appt. and felt good. Then I get an email from W. She talked about bills. Then she asks me why I chose to make the C appt. For us with a different C from my IC or even her IC. She tells me again that she is not going to C with me to reconcile but for closure. Wonderful. Also tells me that she knows this is a very difficult time for both of us and we are dealing with it differently. She ends the email telling me she hopes I take care of my health issues, take care of myself and wishes me a happy b-day.

Later last night I bumped into her at our local gym. I was just going to say hi to her but I began to talk to her about M. I know dumb. Well obviously this made her upset and we didn't end the conversation well. I apologized to her before we left and I emailed her this morning and apologized again. I feel like any progress I might have made to keep things friendly has just been ruined hurting any chances of a possible reconciliation in the future.

I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgment. It's just so hard to imagine the M being over with no hope in the future. I keep telling myself that where my W is now is not where she will be in the future. Hard to even have that hope anymore.

I know I need to GAL and be consistent. It's getting harder each day to hang in there. I still want to save our M or to try and build a new M but that doesn't seem possible even down the road.

Thanks, needed to vent.