11 days NC . Here are some things that I think I have figured out…
1. I cannot fix this. My H is the only one with the power to fix himself and presently our relationship. 2. I am lucky that my H did not move home since his MLC is not finished. I would have been miserable if he had moved back plus he probably would have left again. He was nowhere near ready to move back and deep down I knew it. 3. I have to let my H go for my own self-preservation. I cannot live my life solely on his terms and he isn’t ready to agree to any of my terms. 4. It might be that the only way my H will figure things out is if he is completely on his own without me around to cloud the picture. 5. The only way we could restore this relationship is if my H finishes his crisis and wants to fully commit to the relationship. I don’t see that happening anytime soon. . I cannot go back to the way things were before. I cannot put myself out there only to be hurt again without reassurance that things would be different. 6. My H is weak and avoidant. I have known this for a very long time and I believe he knows it too. He would rather just go on living the way he is than to address his own issues…even if that means losing me. That is hard for me to swallow since I truly believed he did not want to lose me.
So where does this leave me? It appears our relationship is over (at least for now). I need to start living my life that way. So, it is back to the drawing board and work on me some more. Time to find new hobbies and new friends…and I may actually consider dating. I wasn’t happy living in limboland and life is too short not to be happy right?…hmmm…that sounds like I am having a MLC!
Any thoughts?
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Wow this is some list! I wish someone had written it when I was here the first time around because everything listed hits home.
As far as #2 goes, you got your answer to that loud and clear when H himself went dark. Believe me when he is done you will know it.
I lead Divorce Care classes. I've seen what it does to people to have a walkaway decide prematurely that they are done with their crisis and to move home only to leave a second time. Not only does it land you back in that very dark place that we fight so hard to get out of, but what it does to us emotionally is even worse.
I used to constantly tell myself that I have to live as if he was never coming back. Eventually this does get easier and eventually I started to accept the fact that he probably wasn't coming back. Believe me, this makes living and moving ahead so much easier and happier.
I agree with Glamgirl as well with one exception. I never say never, I just go with the flow and I'm not talking about where your H is concerned, but more with life in general.
