You know what, Kevin? In so many ways you remind me of my H. For what is going on two years he still tells me he did EVERYTHING he could to save our marriage. Note: He NEVER once in our 10 years of marriage or overall, the 13 years we were together, tell me ONE TIME he was unhappy. Every gripe he had about me (most of them made up) he never once told me during our marriage. And if he was in such dire straights he NEVER once sought help via any resources. In fact, he acted like the loving and doting husband up until the morning of the bomb.
In short: He never once told me he was unhappy, he never sought any sort of assistance to understand or change his so called unhappiness and perhaps the WORST, he played the part of super husband till moments before he dropped the bomb. What exactly did he do to save our marriage? No talking, no sharing of feelings or what needed to be improved in his eyes, no work on himself... NOTHING. He did nothing yet to him he did everything.
You are the same. You have done *very* little work yet in your mind you have done EVERYTHING. In a way that is what is most frightening to me. You think, like my H, you did everything you could have done but in reality it was nothing. The scary thing is I think both you and my H actually believe what you are saying.
Nobody is knocking your religion. IMO though it seems you are taking to to a very fanatical level in order to avoid reality. You talk about being counseled by your priest often. If you are being counseled on the teachings of the church that is wonderful but not what you NEED. I find it a bit odd your priest feels church teachings will "do the job". I mean, even the CHURCH requires "outside experts" to review the cases of invalidity.
The church does accept marriage outside of the church, the marriage is simply not considered a sacrament however it does NOT mean it is not a marriage. On every bit of info I read last night it clearly stated the CHURCH has no say over the legal divorce (civil law, child support, spousal support, visitation and so on and respects and honors all obligations).
Are you telling us your marriage might be invalid as a sacrament? If so, then really, who cares at this point? And if YOU care then why did you not worry about this before your W left you?
I told you this a few weeks ago when you posted something that actually frightened me because it sounded so severe. You have now bypassed depression and I truly do think you need medical/psychological help (JUST LIKE I DID). There is NO shame in getting it. I might not be typing this message had I not gotten it. And yes, I knew better than EVERYBODY (I didn't).
You can lie to yourself all you want (I DID THAT TOO, IT DOES NOT HELP) but you are doing a terrible injustice to yourself. You need to seek medical/psych help and tell them you are so depressed you can hardly function, you are frozen in fear, you are unable to set boundaries with anybody in your life, you have reached almost a fanatical level with the Church and are unable to establish and reach any sort of goals.
It is NOT easy to say that to a dr. I know that because once it came out of my mouth when I went to the dr. I could not believe it. But I was relieved because I was sick of living a lie. I was exhausted.
On my very worst day (when my mother intervened) I paced around my apartment for TWELVE hours trying to catch my breath. On my kitchen counter I saw a core of an apple. I sat on my kitchen floor and sobbed because I could not remember when I had eaten the apple or why it was there.
Do you think it is EASY OR COMFORTABLE to share one of the darkest moments of my life on a public message board? It is not. But I can relate.
