Something I wrote to someone in Newcomers about boundaries... Wanted to keep the image..
You have no control over your separated spouse. But you can choose your boundaries. And learning boundaries starts with one simple step. Identifying behavior that hurts you.
My rule of thumb..
If it's right, do it. If it's wrong, don't. If you can't decide or waffle, don't.
There's no need to fall on a sword, put yourself at risk during this time. Keep it simple. Focus on becoming healthy. Step by step.
Making a direct statement, defining a deal breaker, can be intimidating if you fear the loss of something you value. Actually, it's the best thing you can do.
Imagine water pouring out, spreading out, going where it will. It helps in the short term wherever it touches but its results are sporadic. That's life without boundaries.
Imagine the same water running into a reservoir, filling it up. Opportunities abound for swimming, fishing, drinking water, etc. The water may not be able to meander wherever it wants, but it's whole and contained.
Boundaries are the dams, the dikes that help fill the reserves and keep them whole.
Work on you. Work with a strong counselor. Be grounded. Learn to make direct statements. Learn to be healthy in mind body and spirit. The rest will follow.
It's the best gift you can give yourself.. and your children.
