Welcome to the best place to be during this emotionally chaotic time.
I'm glad to hear that your daughter recovered from the infection and that the truth came out about her injury.
It's interesting that you placed the mental health issues first. Undiagnosed, untreated depression, personality disorders, bipolar can put individuals in a bad place when it comes to making good decisions.
Is your depression being treated? How and with what? Ideally you'd have a psychotherapist who collaborates closely with a psychiatrist to manage the medication and signs/symptoms of the depression. You also need to be an active participant by getting out of your head, exercising.. just doing.
You have no control over your separated spouse. But you can choose your boundaries. And learning boundaries starts with one simple step. Identifying behavior that hurts you.
My rule of thumb..
If it's right, do it. If it's wrong, don't. If you can't decide or waffle, don't.
There's no need to fall on a sword, put yourself at risk during this time. Keep it simple. Focus on becoming healthy. Step by step.
Making a direct statement, defining a deal breaker, can be intimidating if you fear the loss of something you value. Actually, it's the best thing you can do.
Imagine water pouring out, spreading out, going where it will. It helps in the short term wherever it touches but its results are sporadic. That's life without boundaries.
Imagine the same water running into a reservoir, filling it up. Opportunities abound for swimming, fishing, drinking water, etc. The water may not be able to meander wherever it wants, but it's whole and contained.
Boundaries are the dams, the dikes that help fill the reserves and keep them whole.
Work on you. Work with a strong counselor. Be grounded. Learn to make direct statements. Learn to be healthy in mind body and spirit. The rest will follow.
It's the best gift you can give yourself.. and your children.
