Lost, There is absolutely no way to learn their behaviors along the way, each individual is different because their childhood issues are different. Your h in one conversation can be as nice as can be, but if you raise the relationship issue or something he doesn't want to discuss turn nasty as heck and if you change the subject, back to being nice again. They are operating on emotions not general rational, sane minds.
Read the archives, read up on depression and I do not mean just what is on the internet, get some books and read them. Then, you'll have a better understanding what may be going on. Also, a man's depression can be very different from a woman's.
Please try to understand that there is no rhyme or reason to what they say or do because it's all emotionally charged and we all know how we get when our emotions get the best of us. It's best to try to focus on you, your family and if you work, your job.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
if anyone is out there...please give me a pick me up!
today was my nephews 3rd b-day...i want with the girls alone, really tried to have fun...which i truly did! great food, friends and family!
actually went early and hung out until like 10 hrs later...
i dont want pity..ya know what though? all of this no contact and gal hurts like hell...
im doing it , and surviving but when i get home, i MISS my husband!, my partner. i feel like he should be a part of some things that go on...he was invited but chose not to come...his loss i know it sucks that i am hurting though!
he actually has been in bed now for over 24 hrs...no he isnt sick...he just wants to relax...i am concerned...it seems the depression is worsening.he doesnt give a crap about anything...work,himself, me kids, marriage...scary. his sister even went and checked on him out of her own concern...
our kids are good. im sure they miss his presence but he is here alot and that has been when i either go do something trivial or find something to keep me busy until he leaves.
maybe i do want something, not sure what it is except my normal day to day.
any suggestions or input would be great! thanks
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
my h was abused as a child, alcoholic mother...not severly but still abused. i KNOW this is a big part of it.
i am currently on the series by David Peltzer. A child called It... true story about abuse. starts when he was a boy and goes onto his life as a grown man...
I am doing for myself and the girls...believe me. at the end of the day though, i still cant help but be concerned...
I am going to a used book store tomorrow btw...for books on male health and depression...the reading is what relaxes me the most and also will fill my mind with some understanding of what is all going on with him. thanks again!
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
having computer issues, will tell that i have...everyday...
1. made myself "pretty" with the new do and a little makeup 2. treated myself to coffee on the way to work 3. have finished all grocery shopping, and left h with girls and went and visited 2 friends
h has been a real !@#$%^&...staying away and doing my own thing!
thank you all for the support and advice! keep it coming! he still has a way to push my buttons and upset me...
the latest is this...
he cant stand to: be in the house with me, in the car, do anything...turns into an arguement...
what the heck do i do but walk away? could bop him a good one...
he starts all this and then is more aggrivated when i walk out?? isnt that what he has done all along? he doesnt even make sense and the arguments are over stuff like what kind of boots the girls are wearing???
wtf???
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
They all go through the "cootie" stage. Ignore the behavior as best as you can and continue doing what you where doing when he arrived. It's called "guilt". You do not have to change your behavior just because the guilt cooties have him in their grip.
Listen to what he has to say, but do not engage into a discussion if it's an argument that he is seeking. They all do this....learn to listen, but do not react and that means defend right now because nothing you say or do wil please him. So, guess what? Learn to please yourself. You know whether or not what he is saying is live or memorex. Choose your battles and don't haggle over the small stuff. He's unhappy w/himself, therefore he wants everyone to be that way, i.e., misery loves company!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
ok after my latest post...h calls and is talking child support issues again...
could you possibly help me out here? anyone else please do too...
as soon as i feel im sane again, he throws another loop...
the girls and i are keeping plans for the day with my sis and nephew...funny how one thing from h can make ya feel like crap...
gonna go and have some fun at build a bear workshop...
ps. i have been reading through older posts and advice...WHY is this so hard? is it because i allow him to upset me with the thoughts of divorce?
we all have another c appt on monday...atleast it can help me and the girls. funny how h told the c he was in male menopause and complained of some symptoms...and still insists he is of sound mind!
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
