She must be seeing a lawyer...what now?

[Awoken]

I need to vent, and get this self-pity out of my system.

It's a worse week really than I thought. I think I've been suppressing some of my feelings all week, although I knew there was something deep down.

I had a feeling I was going to get the D papers from W tomorrow, and I thought I should prepare for it and not let her surprise me. I looked them up online. Wow, I wasn't at all prepared for the level of emotion seeing the actual papers had on me. Honestly, sitting here right now, I'm still shaking with grief and anger. Something about seeing the papers online, on public record, just made everything very real, including what it must take for my W to be able to do that.

I suppose it's just a standard lawyer tactic, but she is asking for basically everything: primary custody of the kids, child support, the house, permanent alimony, and for me to pay her legal fee's. We will basically be spending D17's college fund and my retirement paying for this D.

I've come to some strong realizations about my role in the failure in our M, but not of them warrant this kind of treatment.
My wife's biggest complaint apparently is that I didn't purchase a new bed room suite when she asked, and she doesn't know who she is. This just doesn't make any sense to me. I know she is lonely and hurting, hurting deeply. But this destruction of our family and financial future for the kids is just wrong. I've been taking care of her for the past 17 years. What exactly merits this?

I snapped a little tonight. Not really a confrontation.
me: "I just saw the divorce papers. You are asking for primary custody!"
W: "no, joint"
me: "I quote: joint legal, primary physical custody"
much later, w: "I have emailed them about the wording"

I really should have waited until I could post here, or waiting until I could reach a friend on the phone.