Hopeless feelings

[mb28]

Tonight wasn't too bad; again, I held my emotions at bay. I did make the mistake of asking him where he goes every night, I reminded him that just a few days ago he told me “We are still married, and it is each other’s business where we go” of course that was because I was going out Saturday night, and he wanted to know where and with whom. Its funny how he thinks that is one sided, he is allowed to know where I am at all times, but I don’t get to know where he is.

He did tell me that he is still really mad at me for the conversation last night, where I brought up the suggestion of him moving back home in front of the kids. I just apologized, and told him that my intent was not to upset the kids or him. In addition, I agreed that my timing could have been better. He then said, “I don’t know what you want from me. I don’t think you really want to be with me”. I responded with “I care for you deeply and want you to be happy. I would like that to be with me, but if it’s not that is ok too. I would like us to use this separation as a time to work on ourselves. I’ve even thought about asking you if you would like to start dating, maybe dinner or movie with no R talk” He really didn’t respond, and I just told him that I was just throwing that out there and he would have to decide if he wanted to do that or not. I’m not sure if that was a good idea, but at least I did it with an upbeat attitude. He then said, “Maybe we should just file for D now”. I asked if that is what he wanted, and of course, he didn’t reply. I told him that I understand that I have been controlling in the past, and if he wants to file I would not stop him. That is when he left.

One of my 180’s from now is to stop trying to convince him to move back home. In fact, today, I found some cheaper apartments for rent and sent him the ads. In addition, told him that I think if we really work on a tight budget, we could afford for him to get his own place for a while. I think that surprised him.

I would love to hear others opinion on the above: 2x4’s or positives, anything would be helpful.