H suddenly moved out 10 days ago...I'm devastated

[flowmom]

Tonight was a wierd mix.

On the positive side:
He shared that his insomnia was getting worse (after getting a bit better after he moved out). He also talked about a crisis that he had had with two friends yesterday, involving a miscommunication. He talked about how hard it was to be at work, just not giving a sh!t about the material that he used to be passionate about. He said that the psychologist who he talked to last night thought that his "attack" in December was triggered by anxiety, rather than depression, and that makes sense to me (though I believe he was also depressed). The physical symptoms of sweating, shaking, insomnia seem to jive with that. He was definitely opening up more than usual (since moving out), and treating me like a friend.

On the negative side:
He was talking about some books that the psychologist had recommended that he read (coparenting-related I assume). He said he was going to buy them and I offered to get them out of the library for us both to read. He said "we're looking at spending $1000s of dollars on counselling, $10000s of dollars on lawyers, and dividing $100000s of dollars worth of assets, so spending $100 on books is no big deal". Said as if our divorce was a done deal.

I can't tell you how hard it was to active listen and say little during the positive stuff, and to bite my tongue and maintain a pleasant face when he was talking about our impending divorce. It's been less than 2 weeks! Trial separation my ---.

I held it together but it does feel really counterintuitive to not fight for what I want. I've always been a feisty, expressive person who has worn her heart on her sleeve. Sometimes that's been a good thing. Does anyone have thoughts on being authentic while DBing? My desire to save our marriage certainly is authentic. I think that I have really underestimated the damage that shooting my mouth off has done in our marriage. My guy is really tough on the outside and really vulnerable on the inside. He looks like he can take it, but I regularly forget that he can't.