I met my MC yesterday and she pointed out that I needed to separate my feelings about my wife and about the 'idea of being married to my wife'. In other words, that coding you mentioned is deep enough to make it hard to separate who she is today and what our marriage has meant to my life.
I think the reverse could be true, too - that the things that haven't been can be coded in enough that her judgment of who you are today might be clouded. If that is the case, i wonder how s.o. could break the fog so that she can better see the value you see in yourself.
