Next steps

[avermont]

OK, one and all:

Here is Avermont's fabulous new thread:

Next steps.

Logistical things like taxes and house. Blah blah blah.

Then--like the dawn breaking through the darkest night--this thought came to me today (and yes, I know you all and even me have been saying this for 6 months now)
"WTF is the point of going through all this cr*p if I'm not a better person afterwards?"

Duh--I know that is the bedrock of DB'ing. But it took til now for the pain, anxiety, etc., to clear away enough to see it.

So--is it like AA? Do I have to do a moral inventory? What are my flaws, and what can I do to reduce or mitigate or remove them?

I usually have a negative view of the world; negative expectations and perceptions.
Consciously reverse negative thoughts; don't give voice to the negative perceptions. Cause who wants to be around a negative person?

I can have a very mean sense of humor. I mean, c'mon, I really can be funny! But sometimes it can be too mean.
Be more careful and thoughtful of what I joke about.

I can be very impatient.
Remember to breathe.

I can get very anxious, and then ditzy, and do annoying things like lose my wallet, keys, etc.,
Hmmmm.....not so easy to fix. Working on the anxiety.

I am very insecure about a lot of things, and tend to get defensive about those things.
Hmmmm....that's a hard one. I guess just being aware of this is step one, right?

Relationship things:
Sigh. Fear. Withholding. Inability to trust. Guarded.
Well, now that I have had EVERY reason to have felt and acted all of the above (I know, self-fulfilling prophecy) these will be VERY TOUGH to work on.
I will start with R's with FRIENDS. Trusting them. Letting down my guard. Sharing. All of which I have been doing (maybe too much!) these past few months. One friend let me down. I am OK with that. All others have been fabulous.

OK--chime in now--is this the Correct Path? The best Next Steps to be thinking about?

Thanks to all--