starting to learn that this is a lot like emotional chess, in that I need to start planning ahead for things that she will say, things that can trigger me the wrong way, so I can take a deep breath and deflect, not allow the conversations to turn the way I don't want them to.. not allow things that are said to effect me. I've always been a reacter.. working on not being that way.
Bradley,
You really can't plan ahead with a MLCer, at least not about anything specific. What you CAN do, though, is cultivate some habits that will help you no matter what they say or do. I've found these helpful:
~ I breathe, deeply but quietly, as my H is speaking, or I am learning something upsetting.
~ If I'm not sure how to react, I don't. I validate briefly if I can, and/or say that I'd like to think about it. An immediate response is rarely necessary.
~ I try to use a soft voice and a calm tone, and speak a bit more slowly than I'm used to. This helps keep me calm, allows me time to think, and encourages my H to listen.
Not surprisingly, these are things I learned to do as a parent, and that were especially helpful during my Ds' teen years. Interesting, the similarities... :-)!
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
