It sounds as if you are ready to be divorced. This is the last last resort technique, but maybe you do need to tell him. You just have to be prepared that you will likely wind up divorced.
Your H sounds as if he is still running away.
I found a lot of anger resurfaced w/the divorce.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D