Question

[awest1217]

To go along with the last post, I am very introspective and have been thinking all afternoon, "why does this bother me?" H has paid which I didn't expect and it is a good thing so why is it bothering me?

I think it bothers me for two reasons.

1. I have come to terms with H not being in our lives (mine and S) and I am really ok with it. Now that H has made this step, it has derailed that train. I was hoping that he would just leave us alone and when I got enough money we would D and he wouldn't bother us at all. He would keep his money, I would keep S and all would be good. S wouldn't have to ever worry about going back and forth.

2. H has really become like any other person so if anyone gave me this large a sum of money, I would want to know why. So I really want to know why it is more than usual and why he has given it to me when he won't talk to me or S and hasn 't tried to see S at all. I want to know his motivation.

I really do want my marriage to work and on that point it is a good step, but H is so manipulative, controlling, and an all around bad person. I have finally realized this and have decided I need him to change before I accept him back because otherwise to finally be honest with myself, I am allowing him to abuse me emotionally and mentally. It is not ok. I am worried this money is a way for him to gain control back.

Thoughts?