G-Woman, Sorry to hear that your son's sick. Sorrier still to hear about what the pr!ckmeister did. And sorry I couldn't resist that last line (hey, maybe that belongs on your new names thread!)
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
Now it's time to calmly delete the not so calm email I was writing him. Oh yes.. and to pay attention to my signature line, too.
Thataway, friend!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
You sounded so excited about your D's show tonight - I'm glad that it seemed to eclipse your earlier emotions. At least your x seems consistent; that should make future planning a little easier, anyway. Hope you have a wonderful Sunday - must be nice to have all the kiddos home.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. My oldest is back to being healthy as a horse. What a relief. Man oh man was he sick.
Things are going very well even when dipsy-doodles raise their persnickety heads. I don't fret as much.. just try and address the issue head on and move forward.
Before I'd have so much drama flamed by anxiety and insecurity. Now I just do my best, ask for help and see where it goes.
I've been checking out the 'getting past your past' and have found it helpful. It's like Michele Weiner Davis but applied to the moving on aspect of heartbreak and/or divorce. No Contact takes on a different meaning.. which in my case can include writing about the former spouse. So I stop that to best of my ability.
Some things I'd avoid, like checking my email because of a pervasive fear of receiving an email from him. Deal with it, Kathleen, and get it over with. My attitude has changed. If he won't work with me, I'll give him fair warning then it's off to a lawyer. Just not going to play that game anymore.
Kids are doing well. My daughter was stellar in her performance to the point that my hairdresser told me that clients were coming in the following day saying how she was the best thing in the show and knew her name. Amazing. She's really good.
I remember in the midst of emotional chaos I wondered if I'd ever know what boring was again. Guess what.. I've got it.. the normal day to day life. Not boring per se.. but stable, loving.
Oh yes.. there's something about my daughter and gym injuries. Two years ago it was a concussion when a basketball whacked her in the head, last year it was the nearly broken nose from the head whack in flag football. Today it was a smack in the eye from a racket. Luckily it never happens right before a show!
Ah....the 'what if' game. I know it well. What if I answer this call and he is yelling? What if the bill didn't get paid, will the service get turned off? What if I simply stood up to him? A wise person told me not long ago... Fear and Faith cannot co-exist. I'm picking fearlessness. With a side of ibuprofin. On the rocks, please. You can hold the vodka. I've had enough this week with Bear #2.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
Something I wrote to someone in Newcomers about boundaries... Wanted to keep the image..
You have no control over your separated spouse. But you can choose your boundaries. And learning boundaries starts with one simple step. Identifying behavior that hurts you.
My rule of thumb..
If it's right, do it. If it's wrong, don't. If you can't decide or waffle, don't.
There's no need to fall on a sword, put yourself at risk during this time. Keep it simple. Focus on becoming healthy. Step by step.
Making a direct statement, defining a deal breaker, can be intimidating if you fear the loss of something you value. Actually, it's the best thing you can do.
Imagine water pouring out, spreading out, going where it will. It helps in the short term wherever it touches but its results are sporadic. That's life without boundaries.
Imagine the same water running into a reservoir, filling it up. Opportunities abound for swimming, fishing, drinking water, etc. The water may not be able to meander wherever it wants, but it's whole and contained.
Boundaries are the dams, the dikes that help fill the reserves and keep them whole.
Work on you. Work with a strong counselor. Be grounded. Learn to make direct statements. Learn to be healthy in mind body and spirit. The rest will follow.
It's the best gift you can give yourself.. and your children.
