my W doesn't regret her affair

[Gnosis]

Future, I feel for you man.

I am such a mess. I keep going round and round, beating my myself up, making myself doubt that I did the right thing by taking a harder line.

You did the right thing.

She was reaching out to me, she had our family pictures up in her living room, she ended it with OM,

Really? How do you KNOW she ended it with him? Do you have proof of this?

and she didn't want to proceed with the legal separation.

For her own selfish reasons. She wanted a relaxed holiday period and you hanging on the hook.

What I was missing was her giving me any kind of declaration that she didn't want to lose me and/or our marriage, and an expression of remorse over the pain she caused me. She was angry and irritable over her loss of OM, and offered me nothing other than negativity about our marriage.

Those were her ACTIONS.

Even if she wanted to reconcile,

IF is the KEYWORD.

and she has now admitted to me that she was considering it,

What she said and did are two VERY DIFFERENT things. Keep that in mind.

I knew our M could never be truly reconciled unless she gave me what I needed.

Rest with the knowledge that she didn't give you that.

Now she is angry, she never contacts me, the pictures are gone from her living room, and she is pushing hard to get the legal separation done.

She's reacting. She is intentionally going ALL OUT to hurt you with everything she's got.

She said to me "You will never forgive me. No matter what I do or say, you'll never let it go. You'll always hold it over me."

Weren't you the one that said to her, "W, you don't know what I'm thinking or how I'm going to react," or something along those lines?

She's saying those things to justify her actions.

She did also say "H, there is an easiness between us that's nice, but it doesn't make what's hard any less hard."

Stop being Mr Nice Guy.

When I said "W, you gave me nothing that made me believe your feelings for me or our M were any factor in your decisions."

EXACTLY.

She replied "You didn't ask."

BULLSHIRT!

I said "Why didn't you tell me?" Is that what this has all come to? It's insane!

I just got an e-mail from her saying that she's going out of town for ten days at the end of February, and is asking if I can watch the kids during that time. I assume she's going to see OM again, although I have no way of knowing, nor am I sure I want to know.

Uh huh. True colors are starting to show...

I so much want to let all this go and move on with my life!

It's not easy FUN. It's not easy. It comes with time and keeping busy with other things.

I've got nothing left to deal with this.

Bullshirt again... at the very least you've got people like me willing to wield 2x4's in your direction and call you out.

Why can't I just let her go? All I get from her is misery.

Because you haven't done the essential exercise of undergoing a full on PURGE.

Can I ask you a favor? I don't know if it's possible... but could you put a spanner in the works of her plans? Those days in February... can you take leave? I mean... something always comes up urgent at work doesn't it? How about finding something that coincides with her days and say... "Sorry W, I can't. I have a course scheduled for that week and I can't cancel it." ... See where I'm going here? Shirt happens IRL. If you don't feel like going to the course, you can always cancel it at a later date.

Come on Future! You're NOT projecting an attractive option to her. Your words back to her were a little on the wimpy side. Become more assertive. Become demanding. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN dammit! Don't back out of mediation!

Do you want to know what makes me FARKIN ANGRY about your W? She didn't have money to pay for the mediator right? So where the fark did she find this money now for an all expense paid funfest in Europe? If she's got money to burn... let the lawyers burn it. Your attitude should be, "Listen here you little hussy, don't come to a gunfight carrying a knife." From now on I get what I want, when I want it and if I want it. This is D. I'm putting ME first.

Sorry for the spew... I'm just trying to give you some pointers and hopefully stir you into action.