I could be all wrong here but IMO hitting a sore spot simply "one ups" the hitting ya'll do to one another.
It does not seem like there is much boundary setting. And I don't think anybody ever said to turn away and stomp off. Tell your W what is acceptable in a very clear and PLAIN fashion. She will either decide to honor what you are saying or stomp away. Either way it will be better for you.
It kind of seems you and your W thrive on this dynamic you have going on. Who can come up with the greater comeback or who can say something more outrageous. And really that all comes back to a terrific power struggle between the two of you. When you are so deep in a power struggle with your spouse it becomes the ONLY way to relate to them. While it is very unhealthy, to the two involved, it feels normal.
