Hey all, my sitch is listed below and we are now officially divorced.
However i am still very much in love with my xw. It even hurts to call her an X but i guess that is what she is.
Here is the situation now. Divorce but we still hang out. She comes over to my place every once in a while, but I go over to hers quite a bit. Sometimes 3 or 4 times a week for dinner or hanging out. We still kiss. We still ML although that seems to be winding down for whatever reason. But i still sleep over.
It seems to me that my expectations get the better of me. When I am happy and animated my company is very much wanted. She initiates contact and snuggles, even kisses. But when I have problems that i need help with, she obviously hesitates. However when she has problems, i am there for her and most of the time I help with her problems (disparity?).
I am not sure how to proceed. The very day our divorce was official she came over to my house and proceeded to tell me in person. She was crying. I was silent but angry and sad. She kept touching my face, my arms. Laid down next to me and cried in my arms. She kept trying to kiss me. Suddenly I came out of my silence and grabbed her and kissed her deeply and passionately. We reciprocated and we had an intense ML session. About half way through i spoke directly into her soul and told her that I loved her and that this was a huge mistake (the divorce). She shook her head and we had mad passionate sex.
That was before xmas. We went on trip to disney together which she at first did not feel like she should go because of the situation, but the day I left she called me crying saying that she wished she could go. I invited her to go and she caught the next plane out. After the trip she got distant as usual. She had her 30th bday and she was with her enabling friend and possibly the OM came by or something. (note on the OM, there is no PA, but i suspect an EA of somesort at this point).
A few days pass, i address her coldness and rekindle passion. She goes on to say that the trip to disney was the most fun she has had with me in a long time (we took D4 and D12).
So i do not know what i am doing. I def want to get back together. But i dont know how to do this now that we are divorced.
It seems to me that she is perfectly ok with hanging out with me in a family sort of way. She has said that she is willing to go on a date with me in the recent past, but i am not sure how she feels at this point.
tonight i am supposed to go over there and cook dinner and watch American Idol(tradition), with her and kiddos. We watch AI after kiddos go to bed. But tomorrow she is leaving on an overnight kayaking trip with "Friends". I feel jealous and left out.
I am sure i am leaving out more details, but this is the jist of my sitch.
Any advice is more than welcome. Thank you all for your time.
