Moving back in

[DDogs]

OK folks break out the 2x4s, day was good night sucked....

Yesterday W and I were to meet at the MC to decide how to tell and inform the S15, D12,D11...

I got home before W and was in the process of getting the kids ready. In a "catch all drawer" I came across the W wedding band that she had been wearing this whole time.. She has always worn it so I new this was a statement from her.

W comes home an hour later and I ask her where her wedding band is , she asks me to come into another room. She Confidently, cockily tells me "Well,,, we are getting divorced, I don't need to wear it anymore!" .. I have to say this did upset me... I had taken my band off earlier right after W told me she filed for D, It broke my heart to look at it..

So I ask "so you don't need it?" and W replies "No".. At this point I am still upset and a wave of sadness hits... I ask her wher it is , she tells me, I retrieve it from the drawer and tell her, "Well if you don't want it, I'll take it and put it away with mine".. W is suddenly nervous and says "No, give me the ring, I want it.. " I tell her she just told me for the last several minutes how she didn't need it or want it and now she does?

The following is not my proudest moment... In my head I'm trying to figure out why shes nervous, teary eyed and wanting the ring when she just tried putting it in my face that she no longer wants it.. So I hold the ring and ask why do you want it now, Whats so special that you no need to have it... She just kept saying that she wanted it back,,,then she says "it repersents 17 years......and begins to cry.. she composes herself and says I want to wear it until the D is final..

I finally told her, well first it's not important, now it is, here you go,,,,and I gave it to her..

I was so caught up in my emotions and her action. I am totally disappointed in my self that I let my emotions run what I said,,,,again, it was not my best moment...

Fast forward, an hour, we get to MC (drove seperately) and I am still angry, mad, upset, sad... we get in and MC wants to begin about the children. I tell him I want to talk about what just happened at home.. I tell MC about the ring, what happened and that I wanted to see what W response was if I put it away... I told MC all that W said about not wanting etc.... and then becoming very emotional,,, I reiterated that the W is all over the map on her actions, behaviors...

I had been reading some other posts for advice on how to articulate my thoughts.. I finally decide to let it go and tell W, "look, why would I want to be with some one who doesnt love me?"
"Why would I even be friends with the person that broke up my M and family. You don't even respect me?,, Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't even have enough respect for the M or a healthy/intact family to want to try and resolve things?"

W responds that she has tried, and tried to compromise without result... I call her on that with several big issues from our past, My W history of compromise tends to lean towards "if you don't pass half way and come close to my side, you are not compromising"

Of course W is defensive and says she wants to leave...MC asks her to reconsider, she sits and MC shifts the conversation back to the kids, which was the reason to be there. He asks when do we want to do this, and I tell him ASAP, the kids know something is going on and need to have this addressed..

MC tells us the next available appt is next Tues, W replies, I can't I'm helping host a jewelery party.... I say WTF!!!! You are more concerned about a damn party than to get the kids in to address this ASAP????? WTF!!! after a few minutes W shakes her head and finally says, ok, Tuesday, ok...

MC explains to us the dynamics of kids in these situation
and precautions to avoid bad outcomes.. he asks us if we know what we want to say, I basically reply.. W needs to tell them that she has not been happy, seen a lawyer, requested and filed for a D from me.. I add that I don't believe this is the way to resolve the problem and would rather do other options...

W disagrees and begins her idea,, "We have been in counselling and have come to the conclusion that we are better off apart"..

I'm am agitated at this point and I call W on this and tell her, "No, it's not we,, it's you who have initiated the D, it's you who no longer wants to work on the R." "don't tell the kids that I am an agreeable party to this"

W begins to cry, gets up and tells MC.. I can't do this any more and she leaves....

OK,,, I know I broke many of the rules, backslide, pursue, forgetting 180.... I wish I could get a do over, but the situation is yesteday....

Don't know what to say or ask....looking for guidence, suggestions, damage control, direction.. After so much good work from me, I crash and burn yesterday.... Not a good day for me