Don't know where to post this.

[MichelleLT]

All those positives are great. It is important to keep those in mind if you want to continue DBing. But they don't mean anything really other than she is confused and has issues. They are not an indicator of how things will go, or really what she is deciding (she's not in a place to decide anything because she is still too confused and her mindset changes with every mood). She will continue to have mood swings, change her mind, and spew at you on occasion. Be prepared for it.

2 things to work on. One, being more detached and slightly less available (by this I do NOT mean not going over there since you obviously need to spend time with your kids, but just making her work a little harder for your attention).

Two, your communication. It's hard to tell from what you posted here, but the conversation about OM did not sound that productive. I TOTALLY AGREE with your point of view. It just sounds like you issued an ultimatum and it turned into a big argument instead of you setting a boundary that can be enforced. (While you can file for a restraining order, the chances of you being granted more than a temporary one are about nil since nothing has happened)

Have you read any books on communication? Every one of them will tell you to never say "you" "always" and "never". E.g. "You never do the dishes" is a horrible way to start a discussion and will make the other person defensive. Use "I feel" statements instead. "I feel like I do more than half the dishes, I know none of us like doing them, but we should discuss a schedule that will even out the burden."

"I am not comfortable with the children staying with someone I do not know. I am available to watch them, especially if we coordinate a day or two in advance, (implying you have plans) and would love to spend time with them because they are my children. I would appreciate it if you asked me to babysit first. In particular, because of OM's police history, I don't feel the children are safe with him." I'm having a hard time coming up with a statement about the restraining order...I'll have to think more on it.