She is going out of her way NOW, to try to put the glimmer of hope back into our R.
When did you go out of your way to put the hope back in the marriage?
Quote:
I wanna see a thousand points of light before I fully recommit.
= expectations
Quote:
I deserve it.
= entitlement
You have swung hard to the other side. Could be that you are angry and it is clouding your thoughts. Nothing wrong with being angry. A lot of LBS get a power surge after they set boundaries and see the results, don't lose sight of your goals. Seek balance, compassion, wisdom, discernment, love and awareness. Be strong enougth to let her go while at the same time forgiving her. That's real love. When she feels you do that then watch how she acts.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You have swung hard to the other side. Could be that you are angry and it is clouding your thoughts. Nothing wrong with being angry. A lot of LBS get a power surge after they set boundaries and see the results, don't lose sight of your goals. Seek balance, compassion, wisdom, discernment, love and awareness. Be strong enougth to let her go while at the same time forgiving her. That's real love. When she feels you do that then watch how she acts.
I understand COACH - and you've been with me along this journey and if you can remember it's ONLY been when I swing 2x4's that I make a dent.
I am not angry, I promise. Last nite she seduced me ( came out to the shop locked the door- powerful stuff), anyway- I allowed it and it was wonderful, but this morning, when she started in on the "I'm scared talk"I kept my boundary.
She has options and those = choices. She knows that -I'll gaurantee she knows it.
M43 W43 D11 S7 M18 T20 WAW is back & trying (no she was lying) Close to callin' it busted but.... watching Whatever the outcome - It was a choice.
Last nite she seduced me ( came out to the shop locked the door- powerful stuff),
Woodwork is good for you!
Quote:
when she started in on the "I'm scared talk"
Ask her why she feels scared. Listen, validate and support. No fixing.
first step to reconciling is getting rid of negative emotions - replace her feeling scared with her feeling secure
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach,Hi, rob668 here stopping by. I know you are busy, but i'm crisis desperate. Could you possibly have a look at my thread if you get a chance?? thanks, rob668, title (someone please help)
Ask her why she feels scared. Listen, validate and support. No fixing.
I did that about 3 days ago when she started it. She told me she is scared that this might be the wrong decision, she may lose me but that the space she is creating is becuase she needs it for herself only,the "d" papers were already set in motion, I know how you feel about seperation and that is why I left them there, she also said that wasn't for sure what she wanted -the D.
And I told her then -"Your making the decision to test this theory of yours, and I just don't know anymore."
Next day I got D papers.
She said something similar that night (of service), than again last nite.
I just don't feel the need to respond to it for now, she has done alot of damage here. I think some more time needs to pass before I lend a hand. I want to know she is sincere.
M43 W43 D11 S7 M18 T20 WAW is back & trying (no she was lying) Close to callin' it busted but.... watching Whatever the outcome - It was a choice.
Last nite she seduced me ( came out to the shop locked the door- powerful stuff), anyway- I allowed it and it was wonderful, but this morning, when she started in on the "I'm scared talk"I kept my boundary.
In WAS land it's not called seduction... it's called "tagging." So OB she tagged you. There are two common motivations for this:
1) To pull you back into the drama. Keep you in line and get you back under her thumb. 2) (This is dirty) To see if there is any "spark" left with you after she has been with an OM. i.e. testing the waters for herself.
Glad you had some fun and keep acting "as if." Just please tell me you wore protection. If not you could have been exposed to an STD, get yourself checked out.
Originally Posted By: overburdened
She has options and those = choices. She knows that -I'll gaurantee she knows it.
What she "knows" and what she really "registers" are two different things.
Originally Posted By: overburdened
I just don't feel the need to respond to it for now, she has done alot of damage here. I think some more time needs to pass before I lend a hand. I want to know she is sincere.
And THAT my friend is a very healthy state of mind to be in. She needs to experience the full consequences of her actions. If she comes around, she will show remorse and will be asking for forgiveness. Take your time because faux forgiveness is common.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
She got fired today - got a text telling me to call her. She had worked for that Dr. for 15 yrs.
Strange going along and having a bomb dropped on you after all that time, KARMA?
I told her it would be ok, I'll help you.
A couple of hours earlier I learned OM told my superintendant that he was leaving town for @ 6 mos. til things cool down. W's lease is also six mos. on her home, I keep thinking of the plan I found in her car - that said slow it down- I'm not living another 18 yrs like this - and so i'm going to help her pay the rent on her new place.
She shouldn't be here for financial reasons, she should be here because she wants to and because I want her to.
M43 W43 D11 S7 M18 T20 WAW is back & trying (no she was lying) Close to callin' it busted but.... watching Whatever the outcome - It was a choice.
