It seems to me (and I know nothing, lol!) your W feels a great need to tie the children in with the divorce. She is choosing to divorce her husband. And while we might not like it, it is a choice she can make. When you have minor children there should not be an option to divorce them. As best as I can follow along, your W has not yet realized the children the two of you crated and share are not part of the divorce from you.
You and your W can continue to go round and round with each other until you both drop over dead. I wouldn't recommend it but if you are comfortable with that and she is comfortable with it then by all means, spar away for the next 50 years. Just be sure you are sparring for the right reasons.
From what you post it seems your W has little interest in meeting her obligations as a mother. I am very sorry to have to say that. What can you do about that? As far as her mothering goes I don't think there is a thing you can do about it. You can either apply (fight? request?) the majority of the custody or you can use legal avenues to force your W to do what is right. Honestly, I doubt that would even phase her other than her pointing out to you how terribly inconvenient it all is.
Most of us who went away to college partied like rock stars the first year. It is our first time away from home for an extended period, there is little supervision and of course when you are 17 or 18 you know everything. By the time senior year rolls around though the party scene is starting to get old (exhausting really, lol!) and you are ready for the next phase.
Your W is acting the same way. Eventually the "party like a rock star because mom and dad aren't around" mentality will get old, exhausting and boring to her. As I see it though you don't have to wait around for her to crash and burn as it only exposes your children to additional BS.
She is telling you what she wants (granted she is telling you in a very childish way). She doesn't want to be a full time or 50/50 mother but you can't seem to accept that because you WANT her to WANT to be a full time or 50/50 custody mom. At this point I am not even sure why she doesn't want that is an issue anymore. The bottom line is she does not.
You sound like an amazing dad. Your W dose not sound like a very good mother right now. Your children need amazing even if it's not what we *think* amazing should be.
