Moving Foward

[Kemper]

Hey dwinter82,

I have my good moments and bad moments. The good moments seem to be happening more than the bad moments so that is positive.

My W and I currently live in the same house (separate bedrooms) but that will change in the coming month. Once we agree to the move out agreement she will be out of the house and then we will only see each other when we have to exchange the boys or at some point meet with the lawyers/mediator.

My demeanor towards my W I would say is reserved. We very rarely talk but when we do I am not mean or angry towards her. I am in a very good mood when I am around her and I focus my time on being with the boys. I do not initiate conversations unless it has to do with the boys. At this point the majority of our discussions are handled through the lawyers which is odd when you live in the same house as the person but it is what it is.

As far as my objectives, I want to be the best dad I can be to my boys. I am focusing on being happy with myself and moving foward. My W is still in contact with OM and during one conversation when I told her she needed to decided between OM and the family she just said they were "just friends" so she made her decision. At that time I proceeded foward with the legal actions necessary to protect myself and my boys.

Don't get me wrong I still love my W and would love to work on our R/M. However, we did 4 months of MC and at that time she had the opportunity to work on our R/M. Instead she choose to continue her inappropriate relationship with OM (which I was unaware of at the time). At this time I need to focus on myself and my boys. The ball is in her court if she decides that she screwed up and wants to work on things. I couldn't continue to allow her to cake eat and she is starting to see / feel the consequences of her decisions. Will the steps I took lead to us reconciling? Only God knows the answer to that and I can't dwell or worry about it at this time.

My boys at this time only see Mom and Dad sleeping in different rooms. They don't seem to be impacted by that however, I do not know what is going to happen when they are informed that Mom is moving out and they will have two houses. I fear for that discussion but all I can do is be there for my boys and let them know that none of this is their fault and that BOTH their Mom and Dad love them very much.

The ring thing got to me at first but the perspectives on the board have helped me realize that it probably is just about money and survival. I have stopped focusing on the OM since there is nothing I can do about that. My W made her decisions and she needs to live with going the route she did vs. talking about issues in our M and trying to work on them.

Move out agreement should be complete from my side this week and handed off to W's L. At this point my assumption is my W will move out the beg. of Feb. At that point we are separated in the eyes of the law of my state. We then work on our legal separation agreement and a year and a day from when she moved out the D can become final.

The good thing is I have a year for her A to burn in flames. What she decides during that year is out of my control and someting I don't want to invest any enery or thought cycles in.

The ball is in her court and what happens with our R/M going forward depends on her saying she wants to try again. At that point if it does happen then strong boundaries come into play. However, I am not holding my breath that W will attempt to come back since she is a very strong willed person. I will cross that bridge when and if it happens.