what if??? wife comes back on wed from 2 weeks away and hugs and kisses and says she missed me and us? suppose she even wants to be intimate?? suppose , suppose? Do i take it like she's turned around and go along, OR, do i get into the heavy stuff of talking about boundaries etc.. OR on the other hand she returns to hit me with moving out? I KNOW your message here is for me to GAL and show her that I am confident, not needy ,mysterious ,and not in NEED of her . How do i prepare for the scenarios?
Well since she acted kind of like that after trying to be S from you for 2wks, then don't be surprised that she's not all over you when she first gets back, but it won't last.
Don't get into deep discussions about R and don't discuss the boundary thing tonight. Do it like I said before.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So ,IF she is "all over me" how do i play that? Do i accept advances and invitations(she's already intimated we should check into a possible vacation). I know it sounds hard to believe based on whats been happening. But, if i continue GAL'ing would that create confusion? She returns tommorrow and i am quite nervous. But i Can play it cool if that's what it takes. Just not sure how "Cool" to play it? Sorry to ramble but i'm in need of some guidance.
If you do things together, make an effort to enjoy yourselves. Save the R talk for counseling.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
By playing it "cool", do you mean cold? No returned affection?
Well, this is my opinion, if you could handle the pressure.....I think it would be to your advantage to act as if you were not interested in her affections toward you. If there is one thing that makes a woman want to get a man's attention....it's when he's not interested.
So, how are your nevers? Like steel? I'm wondering just how cool you could play it. The big challenge is not playing it as in "cold" but by being "nice" but not interested. "Thanks mam, but just not interested in what you're offering" kind of attitude. Like a cowboy who tips his hat and gets on his horse and rides into the sunset with the lady looking longingly after him.... wondering why she couldn't interest him. Wondering why he prefers to be with his horse more than her.....(lol).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
very interesting analogy. She's back home now, fresh from the airport. I'll try the cool, not cold, nice not interested, but i'm being honest here...my nerves are not like "steel". I'm hurting, frazzled, and feeling deprived. My wife has been away for 2 weeks . I'm tired and in need of TLC. Not that she's gonna provide that , but I still desire it. I'm not sure what to expect. Can or is there a "high road" i can take for a bit? Sorry to be wimpy , but i don't have the resolve presently for too much toughness.
Remind yourself that she said you felt like a brother to her. You need to hold back on the sex until she initiates it and you are certain that is what she wants. You will know without "asking" her or getting into a discussion about it. For goodness sake don't get in a R talk.
There are different views about having sex with the wayward spouse and I won't tell you not to have sex, but I would say that afterward......expect her to pull back again. Most of that is a physical need and she may be wanting it also, so in that case.....let her lead, but expect her to fall back into her previous attitude afterwards. Sex doesn't resolve the M problems and is a temporary fix for the physical needs. Do what you feel is right for you, but be prepared for the fallout afterwards.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I won't initiate any R talk, but god knows i really would like to know where i stand presently. I have to assume i'm in a "holding pattern" so to speak. I'll continue to GAL and be somewhat unpredictable as you advised. But when , if at all ,do i discuss our situation . What do i do if she say's she's moving out for space? At the airport when i picked her up last nite she really hugged me and kissed me a few times, more than a peck on the cheek. Very tired last nite and she fell asleep, got up early and is unpacking suitcases and cleaning the house and such. I am observing without acting needy. I'm not hugging or trying to kiss etc. But i'd love some loving, even of the snuggling kind.
I'm wondering just how cool you could play it. The big challenge is not playing it as in "cold" but by being "nice" but not interested. "Thanks mam, but just not interested in what you're offering" kind of attitude. Like a cowboy who tips his hat and gets on his horse and rides into the sunset with the lady looking longingly after him.... wondering why she couldn't interest him. Wondering why he prefers to be with his horse more than her.....(lol).