Everyone has a perception in their own mind, of the kind of person they believe themselves to be. No one wants to believe, or be told, that the self-image they have is not correct. This is when rationalizing starts to take precedence over truth. Example: Have you ever received more change back than you were owed from a store clerk? What is the right thing to do in that situation? Advise the clerk of the mistake and refund the incorrect change right? Keeping the money instead, is actually dishonest, and akin to thievery. However, many of us (myself included) start using rationalization to not return the money. I've been overcharged before, so this balances it out.The amount of money is negligible, and the store won't miss it as much as I will. I shop here so often, this store owes me for my patronage etc. People who perceive themselves as honest and upright, use this type of rationalizing to justify their actions, and not damage their self image. They truly convince themselves, that what they have done is acceptable even though, they know that stealing is wrong. Now I know, that my example doesn't even come close to comparing with the choices our MLCer's make. It wasn't intended to. Its the theory that is important here, to understand how an MLCer can do all the things they do, and seem so oblivious to the pain and hurt it causes those of us left behind.
This is how your H can give your M a C. Don't listen to him. He has done a re-write to justify he bad behavior. Try to let it go.
di-You should be very proud of yourself. You have come a very long way from where you were. You really have started accepted things for what they are. That doesn't it mean the pain goes away or that you understand. Unfortunately, there may always be some of that. You now know you can't change your H's mind and you have to let him go to figure things out...that is a huge step from where you were not that long ago.
