11 days NC . Here are some things that I think I have figured out…
1. I cannot fix this. My H is the only one with the power to fix himself and presently our relationship. 2. I am lucky that my H did not move home since his MLC is not finished. I would have been miserable if he had moved back plus he probably would have left again. He was nowhere near ready to move back and deep down I knew it. 3. I have to let my H go for my own self-preservation. I cannot live my life solely on his terms and he isn’t ready to agree to any of my terms. 4. It might be that the only way my H will figure things out is if he is completely on his own without me around to cloud the picture. 5. The only way we could restore this relationship is if my H finishes his crisis and wants to fully commit to the relationship. I don’t see that happening anytime soon. . I cannot go back to the way things were before. I cannot put myself out there only to be hurt again without reassurance that things would be different. 6. My H is weak and avoidant. I have known this for a very long time and I believe he knows it too. He would rather just go on living the way he is than to address his own issues…even if that means losing me. That is hard for me to swallow since I truly believed he did not want to lose me.
So where does this leave me? It appears our relationship is over (at least for now). I need to start living my life that way. So, it is back to the drawing board and work on me some more. Time to find new hobbies and new friends…and I may actually consider dating. I wasn’t happy living in limboland and life is too short not to be happy right?…hmmm…that sounds like I am having a MLC!
