Kevin, Well put, you sound better than ever. You made some decisions here and drew some boundaries, that should feel good.
I enjoyed hearing FaithfulH's advice to you about NOT splitting the finances. I had similar thoughts, but he puts things so much better. What a wealth of experience, I loved hearing his story. I've been meaning to read this thread for a while, time to do it: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1782809&page=1
My favorite part was when he said that his W leaving was the best thing that could have happened to him, because of the growth that's resulted. That's so hard for me to believe right now, good to remember.
To me, faithful's story is primarily a story of faith, manifested in growth...HE changed, as did his wife, and their marriage. Every m is different -- and the road to this place of trouble, going our separate ways and reconnecting later or not, or reconciling...all our paths vary.
K4, you have been here over a year. Yet when I read your posts you sound a lot like you did a year ago. Yes - to be sure, there are days when you sound different. There are days you sound as if you really "get it"....
But then, not long after, you wil revert and backslide, and the behaviors sound very similar to the past ones. As in, same old same old. The longer you see yourself as being different without the actual growth, the longer you'll stay stuck and bewildered. It's not clear to me from your posts whether anything is much different in your behavior, but you admit your w isn't moving towards you. And yeah, the same problems seem to arise between you two and within you.
Kev, what people try to tell you that isn't getting through is that you have options. But you reduce them to only 2, and you interpret those two options so narrowly...you seem to think, either you'll do the "standing" which to you means, be the same guy doing the same stuff, and don't file for divorce, OR "moving on--which to you, means giving it up and dating OWs. Neither of the options you see, focus on growth in you. That is the missing ingredient in all your plans. All your "work" and all your "standing" is for nothing- if there is no growth, and growth means change. You've heard this 100 times. Process it.
Think about that. See if you can come up with some 3rd option. Some other course of action that is healthy and authentic for you. Healthy means, at least in part, realistic, and authentic means that it fits you. What path could that mean Kevin? How long could you apply yourself to that course of action?
Better figure this out soon. Life is short and time is passing. You are still just filling time and the depression you suffer from is clear when you describe your life...lots of waiting for "it" to happen. Not much joy in your voice...just filling time slots until...what? And most of your good times boil down to what others think of you or how they act towards you. And if that's true, you'll never control your own happiness, and that IS depressing.
Find a path and stick to it K4. OR...what? I know you don't want to be here forever. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
