We agree!!And that's my point to myself and to you guys, I hadn't been following the plan or really set it into motion.
Sure I'd do ok for a week or so, then I'd get long winded,protective.But I was lying!!
She's not normal and keep thinking can talk to her as normal,her mood is a constant fluctuation, but I am the root of all evil to her right now.
I need to give my wife if roles were reversed what she wants.
Freedom,no complaining,judging, guilt or stress.
I am praying for the ability to do that without an agenda.
I know the moment that peace comes over me. We'll both be on the road to recovery.
I know this is a gift laid out in front of me and I need to open it.
I am pushing thru and becoming the man I can imagine, I want to take myself to dinner,excersise,grow my hair out alittle.
But biggest thing I want to prove to myself, I don't need anyone, but AYK.
I'm pushing thru, I am, there is nothing I can do for her, my only job is to pray for her.
Either way I'm the gate keeper,if she ever looks back.
Took son to divorce support,he loved it,wife was doubtful he would and wished goodluck to him,but in a good mood,know why? NO KIDS on her night!!
I found out and need to accept from what learned in divorce group it's going to take me 3-5yrs to feel whole again.
So yes, yes I do have time.
I'm not the same guy she is divorcing, I am a better man.
I know it's frustrating her because she is starting to see that.
But I am being a better man for me and those kids.
Actions speak louder than words.
I'm doing what makes AYK comfortable,feel good and working towards what AYK has never been.
Totally self reliable,free,and working towards when liked myself best. I was 17 I looked good and I was a world beater,didn't need anyone and could handle it.
Not the guy that became for someone else a smoker cause that was attractive or cut my hair because that was attractive a pushover.
Gotta a lot to prove to myself,but I know I can do it, just have to push thru the fear and do it anyway.
